Canton Ratchet Madness 2024 Round 2: Whole Internet Region
Voting is completed in Round 2 of the Chloe Region of Ratchet Madness and we have our next four finalists in the Sweet 16.
I’ve never seen so many blowouts in Ratchet Madness, but I expect the coming rounds will be a lot closer as the choices get tougher and tougher.
Now it’s time to pick the last four ratchets to advance to the next round in the Whole Internet Region. You have 24 hours to cast your vote, and the winners will be announced on tomorrow night’s Live Show.
1. Michael Proctor vs. 8. Plevin
1. Michael Proctor – Corrupt cop who likes to plant tail light wherever he goes, intentionally misspell the names of witnesses in police reports, lie about his relationship with the McAlberts, and lie about what time he tows cars before blaming it on daylight savings and calling it a scrivener’s error
8. Plevin – Attention seeking YouTube grifter who pretends to be down the middle and looking for facts but is really just a bitter disgraced bartender with a personal vendetta against Turtleboy
4. Helena Rafferty vs. 5. Natalie the German
4. Helena Rafferty – Corrupt police chief who likes to cover up incidents where she runs elderly people over, arrests peaceful protesters, and gives public rants demanding Turtleboy apologize for saying she’s banging Kenny Berkowitz
5. Natalie the German – Didn’t wanna become one of Turtleboy’s ratchets, has a friend who won 5-8 Emmy awards and turned to the McAlberts and corrupt cops because Karen Read wouldn’t be best friends with her anymore, knows a lot about sofas, wants to give money to babies with AIDS
3. Karl Dugal vs. 11. Brian Higgins
3. Karl Dugal – Disgraced Boston Police detective who admits the investigation into John O’Keefe’s death is shady but still blames Karen Read because she hurt his feelings and didn’t call him back the day her boyfriend was murdered by the McAlberts
11. Brian Higgins – ATF agent who clocked into work at 1:30 after drinking all day, claimed he went to sleep, then said he butt dialed Brian Albert at 2:22 AM while he was sleeping
2. Jill Daniels vs. 10. Twisted Tragedies
2. Jill Daniels – Spicy sister of Julie Albert who looks like a beat up leather couch, secretly wants to hate fuck Turtleboy despite calling him a looossaahh, turtle douche, and asking for confirmation of awards
10. Twisted Tragedies – YouTube grifter/welfare/GoFundMe queen who refuses to get a job, raises money for her boyfriend’s softball trip to Florida, shows up to court in pajamas, stopped supporting Karen Read once she was called out for scamming
