Halloween is upon us once again, and to quote the 2004 teen comedy “Mean Girls” (And Lindsay Lohan’s last coherent film before going completely batshit insane) – “In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.”
You may or may not be aware of Yandy.com, a website dedicated to not only lingerie, but insane “sexy” costumes made by mouth-breathing sociopaths who clearly don’t know what the word actually means. Regardless, I do always get a laugh out of the attire they pander to the last-call special demographic and aging moms who desperately want to feel young and hot. Pro-tip ladies: This is not how you do it.
1. Sexy Poop Emoji
Usually the objective is to not look like sh*t, but OK.
2. Sexy Mister Rogers
What an efficient way to traumatize your entire neighbor. Mr. Rogers does not approve. This lady didn’t even change into sneakers.
3. Sexy President Donald Trump
This was a limited edition costume that has thankfully been discontinued. They named it “Donna T. Rumpshaker”, which is quite possibly one of the worst word combinations I have ever typed out on the site – and I’ve called someone a “sludgepump” before.
4. Sexy Toy Story
Get the f*ck away from my childhood, Yandy.
5. Sexy Bert And Ernie
The only way you can hit on a broad dressed like this is to start off with “Pursuant to Meagan’s Law…” You’re sick. You’re all sick.
6. Sexy White Claw
White Claw is for women and homosexuals, fight me about it. But if that’s what you’re looking to pick up and take home at your Halloween party this year have at it, I guess? Who am I to judge?
7. Sexy Pizza Rat
Creating awkward boners since 2015.
8. Sexy Sold Out Popeyes Chicken Sandwich
Have you ever even been to a Popeyes location, Yandy? There is nothing sexy about Popeyes. Never has been, never will be.
9. Sexy Tariff
You know what turns me on? Trade wars. This is a particularly terrible costume because they just ripped off an earlier “fake news” costume.
It must be tough to come up with original ideas when you spend 80% of your time beating off to children’s TV programming, huh, Yandy?
10. Sexy Bob Ross
Just f*ck off and die, Yandy. Bob Ross is sexy enough on his own.