Law and Order

Boston Vagrant Arrested For Burning Mail-In Ballot Box Was Radicalized By Rihanna And Miley Cyrus Refusing To Star In His Pornhub Films

 

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We were assured that there would be no mail in voter fraud, and that any suggestions that there might be was Russian disinformation that must be censored by the tech Gods at Facebook and Twitter. But over the weekend in Boston someone proved that we should actually be very worried about it.

Here’s a thought – maybe we shouldn’t let the ballots deciding who will be the President just sit unguarded in the middle of a public sidewalk all hours of the night. Then again, I saw this one coming from experience, since last week someone forged my signature and had all my mail forwarded to Monica Cannon-Grant’s apartment in Roxbury.

According to his court documents out of Ipswich District Court he had the warrant placed on him in June, and he lives at a welfare motel in Malden.

Taxpayer money well spent.

Of course the blue checkmark woke brigade immediately blamed this on Trump supporters.

Because Trump supporters are well known to be black guys in Boston who can’t keep their pants up.

The man responsible was identified and arrested today.

His name is Worldy. That’s his actual name. And I’m not a doctor, but there might be something wrong with this man.

Not sure. All I know is that he lists his habits as “like eating p***y.”

Worldy Armand, Taco Tamer.

He was upset a couple years back because HUD doesn’t rent out apartments to people who have three armed robbery charges, and he’s only got two and one of them was dismissed.

He’s a big Miley Cyrus fan.

Especially the noodz.

He claims to have graduated from Fitchburg State before moving to Wakefield and becoming a director at Pornhub.

Which explains why he frequently shares links to various Pornhub scenes on Facebook.

He’s selling film scripts for some new movies he’s directing, and if you’re interested in buying them you can give him a call or visit him at his summer home in Topsfield.

He also shares links to Facebook searches for “China female models.”

He’s real big into Chinese women.

He had a thing for Taylor Swift noodz before becoming a Miley groupie.

Before that it was Selena.

And Brittany.

And Russians.

And especially Kate Middleton.

He wants to become a female corrections officer.

He would very much enjoy eating at Kaley Cuoco’s all you can buffet.

As well as Lindsey Lohan’s.

But his one true love is Rihanna.

And his biggest regret in life is that he never got to taste her lady bits.

There are crazy people like this in every American city, just wandering around aimlessly looking to get high, defecate on the sidewalk, and burn mailboxes just for fun. The only time people like this ever vote is when the Pod Save America bros pick them up, drive them to the polling place, give them a donut, and tell them to vote straight democrat. It’s why they fight so hard to make sure we don’t have voter ID laws – because people like Worldy don’t have ID.

Do the blue checkmarks still think he did this for political reasons? Or perhaps we can chalk this one up to good ol’ fashioned crazy. Seems like Worldy the Pornhub director, whose biggest regret is not eating Rihanna’s beef taco, shouldn’t have the ability to destroy ballots and alter the outcome of a presidential election.

Or perhaps there is more to this. The timing is certainly suspicious. Was he radicalized by the media? Or did he just feel like setting a mailbox on fire? Good luck to the investigators trying to figure out the answers to this one before Election Day, but if he was planning on burning ballots he probably should’ve picked a state where the election was actually in doubt.

 

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