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Brave Wellesley Woman Forces Italian Restaurant To Take Down Satirical Sign Because She Found It Horrifying


This is Elaine Eisenman from Wellesley.

She enjoys eating dinner at 4:30, wearing a light jacket when it’s 75 degrees outside, having correct change, drinking tea, owning a landline, anything with Angela Lansbury, writing in cursive, voting, calling TV shows “programs,” drawing herself a warm bath, shaking her head at anyone who tells her to email them, hoping to see a woman president before she dies so long as they’re not a republican, paying with personal checks at Whole Foods, day trips to Needham, and using Facebook to police satire like she did when she saw this sign at Alta Strada Italian restaurant.

Holy. F****ing. S***balls!! Stop the fight! Sure, some may argue that this is just light humor about the effects alcohol has on the human condition. But upon closer inspection it’s actually date rape, which is what necessitated the #MeToo hashtag.

Elaine was alone in her brave crusade to rid Wellesley of all satire, as several people thought that this joke was actually funny. It’s not. I’ll tell you what’s funny – The Golden Girls. That program had it all. Sass, wit, relatable content, Bea Arthur. Nevertheless she persisted, and successfully lobbied the hostess to take down this offensive sign.

Thank the Good Lord. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them wear pant suits.

Thank you for your service Elaine. I couldn’t be happier to live in a world where business owners cowardly allow elderly women with no sense of humor to dictate their marketing strategies.


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