On Saturday a pair of turtle riders wandered over to the Waterfront Bar & Grille in Canton, which was the last place John O’Keefe was seen alive. They wore the new Free Karen Read shirts that everyone’s been raving about.
However, when they stepped foot inside they saw a familiar face.
Chicken Parm Charlie. The last time we saw him he was kicking an award winning journalist out of his pizza shop, and thus denying access to Chris Albert’s world famous mediocre chicken parm. He then called police, claiming that he was some sort of victim, while periodically opening the door to call me a “looooosssaah” who was “going to get it.”
Clearly this man is on tilt because he knows he can no longer go out in public and live a normal life like he used to. That tends to happen when your family is involved in the murder of a police officer, followed by the subsequent cover up and framing of an innocent woman.
It appears as if Chicken Parm Charlie, who is an elected member of the Board of Selectman, realized he was being photographed. However, instead of quietly accepting that people have the right to take pictures in public, and that he is both an elected official and the brother and father of men who have been accused in open court of murder, Chicken Parm Charlie decided to confront and berate these two women in the parking lot. He accused the woman of giving this award winning journalist a handjob, which is factually untrue, but it would probably be more satisfying than his pizza. After that she began filming. Watch:
This dude cannot go five second without calling someone a “loooosssahhh,” despite having a worse record in court than the New York Jets. Mr. Chicken Parm Charlie, you had to move into a small apartment because you couldn’t afford to live in your house, you get by on your family name, and you make mediocre chicken parm that the Little League coaches buy out of pity. I assure you that the loser here is now who you think it is. As Marlo Stanfield once said, “You want it to be one way, but it’s the other way.”
Chris Albert wants to live in the world he used to live in, where the Alberts owned the town of Canton and nobody crossed them. He’s not used to being unliked, despite the fact that he once killed a man and has countless court judgments and liens against him, which really says a lot about the town of Canton. This is a man who is a well known conservative in a town that Joe Biden won by 30 points, who managed to beat a Yale educated liberal attorney, simply because he comes from the cool jock family. He doesn’t know how to react to negativity because he’s never been in this position before, which is why he hired an attorney to send out more than a dozen demand letters threatening defamation lawsuits against people who speculated about his family’s involvement in a murder on Facebook.
But unfortunately for Chicken Parm Charlie we began reporting on this case, and the Albert family name no longer carries the swagger in town that it did three months ago. As Slim Charle once wisely said, “the thing about the old day, they the OLD days.”
There is a Wire quote for everything.
The best part about the Alberts and McCabes is that they think they can talk their way out of everything. Matt McCabe told me when I confronted him previously that it was “proven in court” that his wife never Googled “how long to die in cold.” When you’re accustomed to getting away with everything your entire life you don’t know how to behave when you’re finally held accountable. You’re used to people blindly eating up your bullshit, which is why people like Chris think they can talk their way out of anything.
“You don’t know anything about me and my family.”
Here’s some things we know about your family:
- Your brother Brian never came outside after being alerted that there was a dead cop on his front lawn
- Your son Colin frequently posts videos of himself threatening to kill people
- Your son was born innocent but became a depraved psychopath who believes that violence solves problems, which is a direct result of your failures as a father to impart morals into him, despite going through the motions and pretending to be practicing Catholics
- Your son had a black eye and cut up knuckles two weeks after John O’Keefe was killed
- You yourself once killed a man and left the scene of the crime
- You are close personal family friends with the Proctor family and have been for well over a decade
- Your family never left Canton because they control everything and can bang any woman they want so long as they graduated from Canton High School between 1989 and 1996
“Why are you taking pictures of me?”
Because she’s a free person living in a free country and she can take pictures of whatever she wants without having to explain herself to you. But if you really wanna know why, it’s because you’re so brazen that you still go to bars like the Waterfall, knowing full well what everyone in town is thinking about you.
“Because you were being all weird to me.”
Sir, you’re yelling at women in a parking lot and accusing them of giving an award winning journalist a handjob. I assure you that it is not them who is being weird. Also, your assumption that two women wouldn’t drive a pickup truck reeks of toxic masculinity.
This interaction was the best:
Turtle rider: “You’re framing an innocent woman.”
Chicken Parm Charlie: “Am I really? Because Karen f***ing ran John over. You have no f***ing clue.”
Turtle rider: “That’s why Colin has bruises all over his body.”
Chicken Parm Charlie: “You have zero clue.”
Turtle rider: “The whole state believes that you are guilty.”
Chicken Parm Charlie: “You’re a f***ing looosah.”
Turtle rider: “I’m a loser? You’re arguing with a woman in a parking lot.”
His response was basically the same response Matt McCabe gave me about his wife’s Google search. It defies logic and reason, and ignores all the facts. But if they shout it loud enough then no one will challenge them. Karen Read did not run John over, and I will buy a $500 gift card to D&E Pizza (which I assume will be him writing something on a napkin) if he can explain to me the physics of how that happened, which align with all witness statements and the autopsy photos.
The best thing she said was that the whole state believes they are guilty. Chris needed to hear that because the Alberts and McCabes have insulated themselves in a bubble of people that is growing smaller by the day, who reassure them that they believe Karen Read killed John O’Keefe. And for a while, so did most people. Outside of Canton no one believes that, and inside of Canton more and more people are seeing the truth. The one place that was their sanctuary of acceptance is no longer that.
Anyway, let’s keep this up. I was so proud to see turtle riders unafraid, confronting evil like this in the flesh. The fact that he’s still going to places like the Waterfall is because he feels comfortable doing so. But murderers, and those who cover for them, do not deserve to live a comfortable life while Karen Read suffers and fights for justice for John O’Keefe.