Chelsea has been one of the hardest hit cities by COVID, and after watching this video of a local gravy dumpster and his friends dragging another man out of his car, beating him up, losing his pants in the process, and then attempting to steal the car in his underwear, I think I know why that is.
And from another angle after that video stops filming.
— Chris (@BostonChris_) August 17, 2020
This is the gentleman who filmed it on the street.
Meet every guy from Chelsea ever. Complete with flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat, which can only mean one thing – this man is an aspiring rapper who goes by “Knucklez” on Facebook. And of course the most alarming part of that video to his friends and followers wasn’t that a man was dragged from his vehicle and beaten, nor were they phased by the fact that Brass Chunky attempted to steal the victim’s vehicle in his underpants. The most alarming part to them was that the victim (who of course is a rapper too) yelled, “call the cops” several times.
Tamara Weaver might have unorthodox fashion sense, but under no circumstances would she ever call the police.
In Chelsea when you get carjacked and viciously beaten it is a rule that you must wait for the social worker to get there first because they already defunded the police.
Let’s go to the tape for the play by play.
It begins when MC Food Stamps is getting dragged out of the passenger seat of what appears to be his vehicle, and of course he has no shoes on because this is Chelsea.
After somehow taking his shirt off and giving all the onlookers a look at Brass Chunky’s porn star sized gerber servers, MC Food Stamps did the only thing he could do and grabbed Brass Chunky’s pants.
He realized that his only defense was taking his attackers pants off, which didn’t work out as planned since this is Chelsea and no one has any shame. Instead Timberland Tony came over and joined in the pummeling.
My man has more folds than a poker tournament.
But even after all that MC Food Stamps’ hands remained on Brass Chunky’s elastic waistband.
The first video ends and the second video picks up where they left off as MC Food Stamps simply would not let go of Brass Chunky’s dress sweatpants.
Notice the derelict woman in the Celtics shirt standing there. That elegant lady is from Chelsea, which means she wasn’t there to watch, she was there to jump in, which is exactly what she did while holding onto her morning screwdriver.
Nevertheless, the hands remained on the pants no matter how many blows MC Food Stamps took to the face.
It got to the point where the Section 8 Sally had to jump in to try to get him to let go.
But all that did was completely take Brass Chunky’s pants off.
This still shot of an all but naked obese carjacker, a crackhead, and a rapper wrestling on the ground in front of a “we accept WIC” sign is the most iconic Chelsea photograph ever taken.
Yet despite all of that MC Food Stamps still held onto Brass Chunky’s pants!
Only after Timberland Tony came over to help out Section 8 Sally did he finally lose his grip.
But instead of putting his pants and shoes on Brass Chunky ran over to MC Food Stamps car in his underpants and attempted to steal it as Section 8 Sally kept MC Food Stamps at bay.
Of course it was locked so all the neighbors got was an early view of the lunar eclipse, because God forbid he pulled his boxer shorts above his crevice of wonders.
Finally the police arrived and Brass Chunky began a one man stampede that would’ve killed Simba AND Moofasa.
And of course MC Food Stamps, who pleaded for people to call the cops, did everything in his power not to cooperate with them when they arrived.
Because he realize at this point that his rap career was in serious danger, and if he didn’t keep it real he’d never crack 500 subscribers on YouTube.
Anyone know who any of these fine individuals are? I’d love to have them on the live show. Hit me up on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson or email firstname.lastname@example.org if you know.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: