Maine Father Tries To Get TB To Write Blog Smearing His Daughter’s Custodial Grandmother After Baby Momma Dies, Neglects To Mention Criminal Record Or History Of Unsolicited Dick Pics


Every once in a while I get contacted by a parent complaining about a custody dispute. Usually it’s a guy, because often men get the short end of the stick when it comes to their children. Although I sympathize with men like this, I don’t usually write stories about them because family disputes are personal, and I’m really only hearing one side of the story. However, today I was contacted by a guy in Unity, Maine named John Keithan.

He told me that he was fighting for custody of his 8 year old daughter Jewelia (yes, they named her that) for the last 3 years, and in May the girl’s mother died from drug addiction. He saw her death as an opportunity to get custody of Jewelia back, but unfortunately for him Jewelia’s maternal grandmother was granted custody by the courts and took her back to Attleboro, MA. He calls this kidnapping and parental interference.

In the emails Grandma Marion Ducharme asked him to please stay away, and that Jewelia wanted nothing to do with him, so he threatened to file charges.

I obviously had questions, because if a court grants custody to a drug addicted mother over you, then there’s probably something very wrong with you that you’re not telling me. His excuse? False allegations of abuse and a biased judge.

Every ratchet who has ever messaged me to complain about DCF has levied allegations of “corruption” or “biased judges.” That was a huge red flag for me because he was blaming other people instead of taking accountability for the fact that he’s a grown man who hasn’t seen his daughter in three years.

Mickey Manboobs claimed he was granted sole custody of the girl by a Bristol County judge in July, but didn’t have any paperwork to back any of this up.

He did provide documentation showing that an investigation determined that he didn’t abuse his daughter, and told him that he needed to look for more secure long term housing.

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He doesn’t seem to understand what “legally” or “custody” means.

He did produce a document with his name on it, which says he has temporary parental rights, but it’s cut off, it’s unclear who signed it, and it doesn’t say who the order is even about.

Meanwhile I was Googling him and this is the first thing that comes up:

A Unity man has been charged with a number of crimes following two ill-advised fast food runs to McDonald’s July 5, according to Belfast Police Officer Colby Leavitt. John W. Keithan Jr., 43, is charged with operating under the influence, failure to notify the operator/owner of an unattended vehicle collision, violating conditions of release, operator possessing an open alcohol container on a public way, failure to provide proof of insurance, attaching false plates, and displaying a fictitious inspection sticker following the late night incident. 

According to Leavitt, Belfast Police received a report from a McDonald’s employee that a man that had gone through the drive-thru appeared to be intoxicated and had struck a parked vehicle before leaving the area. A short time later they received another call stating Keithan Jr. had returned to the drive-thru for more food. Keithan Jr. was arrested, but when he reached the jail for processing he began making statements that led officers to instead bring him to Waldo County General Hospital, where he was ultimately transferred to a different facility. 

While out of jail on unknown “conditions of release” that he ended up violating, John Keithan drove to a McDonald’s shitfaced in a car with fake license plates, a fake inspection sticker, and no insurance, smashed into a parked car, then came back to the scene of the crime later because he wasn’t done shoving transfat down his gullet.

Funny how he didn’t mention any of that. This happened in 2019 when he hadn’t seen his daughter in a year, so I asked him about it.

He also has this more recent Google trophy for theft, in which he was given a one year jail sentence, with 7 days to serve.

This completely fit father blamed it all on depression from the corrupt courts taking his kid.

The crazy part is that he’s not even making the case that his daughter stay with her. He wants her to live with his other 21 year old daughter Ivy.

Sure, he’s completely unfit to raise a child on his own, but he has another kid who’s responsible so she can do that for him.

He kept telling me things he couldn’t confirm about the courts.

And did I mention he’s unemployed and collects disability for a living because he has a “tooth disease”?

So he’s disabled to the point that he can’t work, he doesn’t have stable housing, he gets plastered and smashes into cars at McDonald’s, and he thinks the best thing for his daughter is to move in with him despite the fact that he’s basically a stranger at this point.

Yea, he’s definitely looking out for her best interests.

What has John been doing to get his daughter back? A lot of things, such as crying on Facebook about how unfair the court system is, ignoring advice from family members to stop, telling his friends that he’s about to get custody back, making memes of his daughter, crapping on her mother, and posting selfies of him and his new girlfriend with their bed sheet curtains.




He really doesn’t seem to understand the concept of custody, and is blaming people on Facebook for not coming to his defense.

Meanwhile, his new girlfriend Brianna Harris started a $5,000 GoFundMe for a lawyer for him that raised a grand total of $25. That’s how much his friends and family believe him and have his back. At least his daughter, who he wants to be the guardian, shared it on Facebook though.

According to him you should donate to it because he’s a “great dad,” with no job, no car, and a criminal record.

Oh, and did I mention that in 2019 while he was fighting to get his daughter back he sent unsolicited dick pics to a woman who called him out for doing so underneath one of the memes of his daughter, but he never deleted it?

I spoke to the woman he sent this to, who brought up a good point – she has a kid who she lets use her phone sometimes, as many parents do. Sending unsolicited pictures of your Johnson to strangers with children should qualify you as a sex offender. It’s no different from doing it in public to a child.

Nevertheless, John insisted that he had the court documents to back up what a good father he is. He just didn’t have them at the time and couldn’t get them because he’s reliant on other people to cart his fat ass around.

Basically the crux of his argument was that he was a really, really good guy (even ask him), and even though he doesn’t have a job, a car, or the ability to care for a child her age, he should still have her anyway because he has another kid who can raise her sister for him.

Finally I confronted him about the dick pics, and he went with the “I was hacked” excuse, even though the date of the “hacking” was over a year before he sent out the sad schmenzer closeups.

Oh, and it’s also not his dick he claims.

The bottom line is that John Keithan waited until his drug addicted baby momma died before he made his move for custody. He took advantage of her passing to try to bring this poor girl into the dumpster fire he calls life, the courts wouldn’t let that happen, and then he turned to Turtleboy thinking that I could somehow get his daughter back. But there’s two sides to every story, so if he wants to come on the Live Show tomorrow or Saturday night he’s more than welcomed to.



Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


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