The Groton (CT) Police are looking for two vagrants who stole a bottle of fireball from a liquor store. Watch how the guy in front attempts to distract the clerk while the other one tries to be slick in the background.
Every. Single. Time.
Bonus Google trophy points for having the sticker still on it.
One of our greatest contributions to society has been making people aware of the dangers of this hat. The only people who own one (or many), or have any desire to purchase one, are people who have a vested interest in breaking the law. Countless times I’ve seen people comment on noticing “the hat” on police Facebook pages’s when they ask for the public’s help in identifying criminals. I’m proud that we’ve spread this awareness so that people know who to be suspicious of. But evidently this news has not reached Groton, CT, so our work is not done yet. Understand that if you see that hat in your store, bad things are happening without you knowing it yet.
The worst part about these two All-Star criminals is that the guy wearing “the hat” was the lookout. If you’re going to rob a store you want to be as inconspicuous as possible. By wearing that hat you are doing the opposite. It was his job to obstruct the clerk’s view and distract her attention by counting his change in front of her. Meanwhile, Paula Abtool should’ve been arrested for his pre-robbery dance moves in the background.
It’s like when the school chaperone hits the dance floor when a song made before 2003 comes on at the middle school semi-formal. Cringe.
From there he then shoved the bottle directly down his shorts.
Luckily for him there is plenty of room down there, and he could probably fit a bottle of Henny in there too. I think we can all agree that he drinks Henny on the regular.
If you know who either of these two individuals are please feel free to contact us via email at firstname.lastname@example.org. It would be my pleasure to have them brought to justice, and have one less flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat roaming the streets.
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