Man Run Over By Girlfriend Goes Full Chuck Norris On Her In Springfield Funeral Home Parking Lot


A man in Springfield witnessed a domestic violence incident near the X intersection, and things escalated quickly.

“At least he’s at a funeral home.”

So Springfield it hurts.

Evidently this man was on the roof of a Cumberland Farms watching this play out, and she had hit him a couple times already. Don’t ask why either. Sometimes when you’re in Springfield you just end up on the roof of a Cumby’s.

This is what couple’s therapy looks like in Springfield. It starts with driving across a busy street and plowing your boyfriend, possibly for stealing your last crack rock.

Then it’s the male’s turn to express himself, which he did by giving her the Forest Park High Five – a closed fist punch to the face.

He looks like he’s about to let her leave.

But then he remembers, “oh yea, she uses this thing as a weapon,” and attempts to prevent her from leaving by keeping the door open, kicking her in the baby cavern, and giving her a foot rub so she can’t use the gas pedal.

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After the foot rub everything was fixed.

Sadly there are people out there who actually believe that this is a normal way for couples to work through their issues.

Yea, they were totally fine. Couples fight. Sometimes that means getting into shouting matches about whose turn it is to do the dishes, and other times it means running your man over with a car, getting Chuck Norrised in the ovaries, and going home to share a crack pipe before engaging in make up sex on a blowup mattress. Completely normal.


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