Law and Order

Multiple Women In Hampshire County Accuse Winchendon Man Of Pouring Water In Parked Car Gas Tanks, Exposing Cervix Scraper Tied To Rope After Car Breaks Down

 

Over the weekend some turtle riders sent me a Facebook post that sounded so unbelievable it just couldn’t possibly be true.

A guy who puts water in your tank when you’re in the store, then follows you when you leave and waits for your car to break down just so he can approach your vehicle and expose his schmenzer, which for some reason is tied to a rope?

And he’s done this over 100 times in the Hampshire County? This story had Pumpkin Spice Mafia written all over it. We even had a Pumpkin Spice Mafia incident in Southampton last year. So a lot of people were doubting this one, including noted Facebook detective Mark Anthony Del Negro, who it should be noted has a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, as well as SEVERAL friends who are cops. 

That’s a pretty impressive resume, so if Facebook Detective Inspector Mark insists that it didn’t happen then the OP must be lying. Trust him.

But as it turns out this actually happend exactly as described!

 

 

A Winchendon man has been arrested by Southampton police Monday after an incident at the Big Y parking lot. Officers were called to the parking lot around 4:30 p.m. Sunday for a report of a suspicious person allegedly putting something into a gas tank of a parked vehicle. By the time officers arrived, the person had left the area. Witnesses were able to provide police with enough information to identify the suspect, 37-year-old Alexander Yee of Winchendon in Worcester County. On Monday around 4:45 p.m., Southampton and Winchendon officers arrested Yee at his home. He has been charged with Breaking and Entering into a Motor Vehicle as well as Malicious Destruction to a Motor Vehicle.

The Southampton Police say they are continuing to look into the incident to examine if there is any underlying motives and if this is similar to incidents in other nearby communities. No other information on the suspect or incidents posted on social media was confirmed at this time.

This looks exactly like the kind of guy I would assume would get pleasure from using a rope to tie knots on his cervix scraper like he’s trying to complete his pioneering merit badge.

This Winchendon Weener Walrus looks like the kind of guy that lets his pubestache go days without making any contact with soap or water and would be perfectly entertained just sitting there for hours staring at you.

I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff in my time while writing blogs for Turtleboy, but I never imagined the day would come where a guy from Winchentucky, which is on the New Hampshire border, would get in his Corolla and drive over an hour southwest to the podunk town of Southampton for the sole purpose of putting water in a strange girl’s gas tank just so he could force her to take a gander at his trouser trout. I guess this is what Worcester’s new sex ed curriculum looks like in practice.

Where do you even come up with an idea like that? Tik Tok? I can’t imagine what that’s like to get a sexual thrill out of something like this when there’s so much ample pornography on the Internet. I understand that it’s impossible to try to get in the minds of people like this, but can’t you just send unsolicited dick pics on Facebook like a normal creeper? Why do you have to mess with people’s cars too? And the rope? What kind of knot do you use on your Johnson? Sheepshank? I’m not even gonna try to make sense of that.

The least surprising aspect of this story is the fact that someone like this lives in Winchendon. I think we could all agree that our first guess after seeing this post would be that he was from Ware, since it’s closer and has a reputation for being chomo friendly. But based on previous blogs written about Winchendon, Toy Town seems like a decent enough place for someone like this to live without standing out like a sore thumb.

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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonetization. If you like what we do and want to support free speech feel free to hit the donation button. Or just buy this award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

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