Ratchet Madness

Ratchet Madness 2023 Round 1: Spunktrumpet Region


Here are your 8 ratchets who have advanced to the second round of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness in the Fupasloth region.


I’ve never seen this many upsets in the first round before. The 2, 3, and 4 seeds were all eliminated, clearing a much easier path for Mike Fucci.

Time to decide who will advance in the Spunktrumpet region now.

1. Central Falls Welfare Meatballs vs. 16. Bridgeport GoFundMe Gopher

1. Central Falls Welfare Meatballs

  • All out brawl that occurred during the middle of a school day in Central Falls, featuring copious amounts of hoodrat helicopters and Puerto Rican pretzels
  • Fight was cheered on by adults and and kids, most of whom were wearing pajamas at noon
  • Combatants included Meatpie Morales, Chocha Chuck Taylor, Raw Dog Ramirez, Sweatpants Santana, Crocs Crispy, and Abuela Venezuela
  • After the fight more disputes broke out on social media about who won
  • Combatants posted images of themselves licking ass, drinking Hennessy, and posting inspirational quotes about “f*** n****s
  • Chucky Chocha immediately after fight was ended did quick live stream to show her lack of battle wounds, just in case the ghetto records department said she lost the fight
  • Instead of being ashamed to see her daughter behaving like this mother of one combatant shared video to express how proud she was of her daughter’s disputed victory, along with her insatiable desire to turn her ass into an all you can eat buffet
  • Every adult involved had Google trophies as far as the eye can see


16. Bridgeport GoFundMe Gopher

  • Allowed litter of children to play in disaster zone of a backyard, filled with gas cans, dangerous equipment, and sharp objects
  • After 7 year old son’s face was lit on fire while playing with gasoline covered tennis balls they immediately made up lie that he was bullied by other kids in order to raise more than half a million dollars via GoFundMe
  • Immediately bought a new home and received plethora of free gifts, including being honored by Yankees despite burns that went away quickly
  • Previously had multiple evictions and owed over $60K in rent
  • Allowed other boys falsely accused of bullying to become targets of international hate mob



8. Revere Porch Prowler Piratevs 9. Merrimack Valley Vaj Vixon

8. Revere Porch Prowler Pirate

  • Stole packages containing Christmas gifts from a porch at 3:47 AM, took out the gifts and dumped the empty boxes at the end of the street
  • Easily identified as her boyfriend is well known ratchet and failed rapper Billy Baggz
  • Hour after that house was robbed Billy posted a video on his YouTube channel of him and a woman he calls Jenae, ripping butts in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot before retiring to their tent
  • In January she was posting all over Facebook about a Revere City Councillor named George Rotondo, who she alleged had abused her, people had been tagging us in her posts, which included allegations that he choked her, and a copy of the restraining order she was granted against him in January
  • I reached out to her to write a story but quickly realized it was a mistake because she could barely speak English and seemed to have no idea what she was saying
  • She also sent me a video she secretly recorded of George while he allegedly had kidnapped her and brought her to New York. In the video George says he’s gonna beat up some guy named Bob, who sounds like he did drugs with her, and he accuses Jenae of calling the cops on him over something
  • Ranted about something related to George being a sex fiend who stalked her, made her give $20 blowjobs while she was pregnant, and something about strangling her in front of her baby.
  • So I was interested in Jenae’s story and reached out to her to see if she had some sort of evidence to back up her claims that a Revere City Councillor we previously blogged about had assaulted her. I quickly realized I had made a horrible mistake.
  • All pictures with baby are in DCF visitor’s room
  • In September George Rotondo died, and although their love child is listed in the obituary, Jenae is not, so she began posting about him relentlessly about how much she loved and misses him since then


9. Merrimack Valley Vaj Vixon

  • Likes to film herself on her YouTube channel driving around with her unrestrained kids giving complicated orders at McDonald’s and singing
  • Saw a man selling his engagement ring on Facebook marketplace and said she wanted to buy it off of him before agreeing to meet at Kay Jewelers in the Rockingham Mall to authenticate the stone, but it was all part of a scam invovling her two teenage sons
  • Brought fake ring with her, handed it off to the jeweler to clean it, then had her teenage sons in the food court ready to help her out. Props to Sam for sniffing that one out. If he had waited for the jeweler to clean it she would’ve been long gone
  • After being confronted by man selling her ring she tried to weaponize her femininity by pretending to be a damsel in distress being attacked by an aggressive male who was likely trying to kidnap her into sex slavery
  • Owns a jewelry company in Miami that she steals inventory for and sells for a profit
  • Moved to Miami to get mental health treatment in 2019, and her ex-husband was given full custody of their kids
  • Has open DCF cases, often behaves erratically in front of the boys, was institutionalized for 2 weeks in Newburyport, neglects the boys, moved to New Hampshire without permission, and her son went missing.
  • Been brought to housing court twice for not paying rent in her West Newbury government subsidized housing projects
  • Also has charges for operating an uninsured, unregistered vehicle without a license, failing to notify the RMV about where she lived, and larceny



4. Bizcocho Biznatch vs 13. New Hampshire Rover Leftover

4. Bizcocho Biznatch

  • Has worked at pretty much every strip club in New England
  • Notorious drug dealer who’s done a few stints in MCI Framingham, and was arrested for selling fentanyl
  • Complained on Facebook that none of her homies bailed her out of jail so her Dad had to pay her bond.
  • Motto is “”don’t need no n***a no bish I got me 100 emoji”
  • Shsow off her knife and axe collection on Facebook, and says she got no respect for “PC n words” on the sex offender registry who tried to “be blood” back in the day
  • Frequently posts about how her closest friends are victims of drive by shootings
  • Constantly seems to get the crap kicked out of her, but isn’t the least bit fazed by it because she always posts images of her face after being beaten
  • One time this n word AJ was calling her a ho and wouldn’t get out of her chair, so him and his mother Dee beat the crap out of her and took her package of fentanyl, leaving her with broken ribs, black eyes, and 21 stitches
  • Beat up a homeless man by the name of Bebo and his prostitute girlfriend Skylar Nieves, but they got the last laugh because they spit in her mouth and dumped a gallon of milk on her head, which gave her a new strain of COVID despite being fully vaccinated
  • Found the love of her life after getting shot alongside him, putting him in a wheelchair
  • Announced that she scissored with a 14 year old Cambodian girl and that her special bisexual powers allow her to climax both inside and outside prison walls
  • Bizcocho Biznatch and her homie Richie got shot 5 combined times and now he’s in a wheelchair, so naturally then she was so attracted by his ride or die nature that she jumped his bone and made him her boyfriend
  • Despite getting beat up by men on the regular she makes it clear frequently on Facebook that she will in fact knock a n word out if they disrespect her and/or don’t get her that paper



13. New Hampshire Rover Leftover

  • Arrested for beastiality after getting caught on film having sex with other people’s pets from Rover.com that he was paid to take care of
  • Posted on a Facebook group called Pets of the 603, looking for a temporary home for his 140 pound dog, since the terms of his release dictate that he not be allowed around animals
  • Attempted to defend himself and explain why this whole thing was one big misunderstanding
  • Went on to explain that he didn’t actually have sex with the dog, and that he faked the whole thing out of anger and depression, with the intent to make it look real, but he was way too good at recreating dog porn and now the cops and the owner think he’s a fido f***er.





5. Fall River Phallus Farmer vs 12. Mount St. Melons

5. Fall River Phallus Farmer

  • 24 year old single Mom whose only goal in life is to acquire and sell food stamps while establishing herself as the baddest bitch in Fall River
  • Charged A&B with a dangerous weapon and stalking a woman who she beat up while the woman was waiting for her daughter to get off the school bus
  • Stalked woman in her car before getting out and beating her while wearing a pink cast, which qualifies as a deadly weapon
  • After the victim’s daughter got off the bus the Phallus Farmer filmed herself stalking and harassing the victim, posted it so social media, and then harassed her online for a few days afterwards
  • Posted video afterwards on Facebook to clarify that she assaulted the woman BEFORE her kid got off the bus, and only stalked and harassed her AFTER the kid got off
  • Bragged about how a mother waiting for her child at the bus stopped was assaulted “by a handicapped,” may get you additional street cred, but it will also get you additional charges.
  • Defended her honor because she previously vowed to assault the woman “ON SITE,” and as an honorable woman of her word she was required to beat Jasmine the moment she saw her in public
  • From there a lively debate broke out over who was in fact the “hoe,” and several rivals challenged her to a duel
  • Vowed to fight more rivals as soon as cast came off or they gave birth
  • Previously charged with the very rare crime of vandalizing jail property as a prisoner
  • Went to the police to report her car stolen and ended up getting arrested when they ran her name and found out she had outstanding warrants
  • According to police report the car she reported stolen was admittedly unregistered, and she sleeps in it
  • Admitted to stealing her friend Lavester’s cell phone, who she was accusing of stealing her unregistered car, while being questioned she told police that she wanted to “take care” of Lavester on her own and asked if she could take a hit of her vape pen
  • Previously charged with felony assault and battery on a disabled or elderly person
  • Placed on probation for a year, and all she had to do to make the charge go away was pay some fees and stay away from the victim, but violated by never paying, which brought all the charges back
  • Arrested for driving her unregistered car/home after she rear ended a woman and told police that a mysterious third car had rear ended her first, even though there was no damage to the back of her vehicle/house


12. Mount St. Melons

  • Presents herself on Facebook and Instagram as sexy, independent, girl boss single Mom
  • Doesn’t work, having retired from stripping over a decade ago, but she does have a sugar daddy who pays for everything.
  • Often posts pictures with cute little dogs, because those are the only dogs that go hand in hand with with duck lips and fake tits
  • In reality dogs were living in horrific conditions, covered in feces and living in cages which wasn’t revealed until MSPCA raider her home
  • Multiple dogs died and were replaced with new ones by her sugar daddy
  • Probate court docs show that she taught her sons pole dancing techniques on a telephone pole, that her son asked his grandma if she knew that a dildo looked like a penis
  • Her other son told his grandma that her sugar daddy’s adult son tickled his privates as a kid
  • One of the boys said that his wee-wee didn’t have hair on it like Derek’s did, and that Derek was teaching them inappropriate things to say



3. Krusty Panties vs 14. Leominster Lard Lizards

3. Krusty Panties

  • Stalked, harassed, and threatened a random woman she never met for over a year due to her perceived association with TB
  • Claimed to have paid a private eye to follow the woman around for 6 months and repeatedly posted nude images of her on social media
  • Had an order taken out against her by the woman, only to violate it 2 days later and get charged for doing so
  • Continuously buys subscribers on YouTube in order to validate her own existence
  • Frequently shares pictures of her children to the creepy cult of men from around the world she has assembled on YouTube
  • Raised $60K with a fraudulent legal fees GoFundMe, only to fire the attorney and not show an accounting of where they money went
  • Fabricated a fake email from DCF in a vain attempt to disprove that DCF paperwork showing she abused and neglected her children were fake
  • Repeatedly tells people that she voluntarily adopted out her two youngest children, when in fact they were taken form her by the state after a reunification attempt failed
  • Allows her boyfriend (who she calls her husband) to live in her house with her children despite the fact that he is currently being charged with assault and battery with a knife on her then 14 year old daughter
  • Three months after the knife incident her boyfriend was arrested again in the house for assaulting her, but she allowed him to stay despite the fact that her son told his DCF worker that he is scared to live with him
  • Announced on social media to thousands of people that she lets her 16 year old daughter have sex in her house, provides her with condoms, allows her to smoke pot, and bribes her with cigarettes to do chores
  • Got her 16 year old daughter to contact us and threaten to reproduce so that her children could attack mine, while making sexual comments about a 5 year old
  • Forced her 16 year old daughter to go to court and try to get a HPO on Turtleboy in the hopes that it would compel the court to remove blogs about her mother
  • Forced her daughter to read her own heinous messages in court that were sexualizing 5 and 7 year old children


14. Leominster Lard Lizards

  • Perpetually unemployed slugpumps who contribute nothing to society but kept procreating anyway
  • Frequently ask people for money and claim to be broke despite collecting every form of government assistance imaginable, but it’s just part of the scam to feed their habits
  • Were evicted from their apartment left it filled with trash and maggots, Frozen sheet still on the kid’s bed, and didn’t take any of their possessions with them
  • Hung car air fresheners above the mess like a ratchet bandaid
  • Their Facebook pages are filled with pictures pretending to be loving parents, but in the background you can see the general filth that they forced her to live in, including bags of trash hanging from the walls
  • After the former neighbor posted the video of the apartment Dad responded by claiming that the house he was evicted from when he was broken into, that it only looked like that way because they had been gone for 2 weeks, and that everything was thrown everywhere because he “quickly grabbed my shit and left”
  • This all happened because the Leominster Lard Lizards called DCF on the neighbor who posted it because they were mad that she had tipped off the landlord to the smell, which ironically then brought DCF into their life instead




6. Palmer Fentanyl Falopian Funhouse Farmers vs 11. Money Mike Bates and Dope Sick Vic

6. Palmer Fentanyl Falopian Funhouse Farmers

  • Tyler Petelle lived in well known drug house where he and missing man frequently got high
  • Palmer Police were called there 14 times since February for drugs, domestics, and disturbances and most of the times it involved Tyler
  • House is owned by the meth puppets parents’ Tim and Donna Petelle
  • Posted “where the f*** is Dylan Tallman” on Facebook, knowing full well that Dylan was dead in a shed in his backyard
  • Have frequent renters who live there, and everyone in the house seems to be on drugs
  • In August there was a domestic disturbance involving Mom and some chick who was living there
  • Earlier in September it was reported that residents of the house took a limp body of a woman who had overdosed inside the house and put her into a car, where Tyler and his old man brought her to the hospital.
  • Tyler pimps out his girlfriend and has strangers come over the drug house and bang her in exchange for money
  • Girlfriend has a child and was featured in a Masslive story in 2010 about heroin, after she lost her job due to addiction and her boyfriend killed himself in jail following a drug arrest. Since then she’s been arrested and charged for a whole bunch of crimes, including A&B on Ambulance Personnel, DUI, driving without a license, drug possession, and more.
  • After finding decomposing body on their property police were called there again and arrested Tyler for pushing his mother, and during a sweep of the house they found a whole bunch of drugs and shell casings.
  • Tyler was drunk or high when they got there, and had just broken a bunch of stuff in the house, his mother put him in a headlock but when she tried to call 911 he disconnected the phone.
  • Police also found two people who rented a room there and somehow didn’t realize there had been a dead body in the backyard for a week because they were so high
  • Underneath post of someone calling him out for all the overdoses that took place at his house Tyler responded in a long winded sentagraph, explaining how it wasn’t a big deal because most of the OD’s were from cocaine that he also sold
  • Accused the man out for blowing lines of baking soda off his toilet while covered in puke, and then bragged about how he had sex with the man’s junkie girlfriend
  • Tyler regularly sells drugs in the middle of the street and his “crusty hoe” Sara gives BJ’s at 2 in the afternoon to random Johns who swing by the house, according to neighbors











11. Money Mike Bates and Dope Sick Vic

  • Convicted drug dealing ex-con turned landscaping business owner who started a fraudulent nonprofit that claims to get people treatment for fentanyl recovery
  • Took in potentially millions of dollars but refuses to provide any receipts or documentation showing where the money went
  • Hired a well known con-artist previously featured in Ratchet Madness named Mike Bates to run the finances, despite the fact that he had recently been sentenced to prison for securities fraud, ripped people off with fake t-shirt business, and owes $18K in child support
  • Exploits the homeless and drug addicts by videotaping them spinning a wheel to see what prize they won so they can upload the content to TikTok and go viral by appearing to be good people
  • Received $210K in donations from a philanthropist to pay for specific men and women to receive treatment at rehab facilities, but never followed through on the treatment
  • Brought one man in from Oklahoma with the promise of receiving world class rehab help, forced him to do TikToks for them, only to put him in a group home that cost them nothing and left him stranded
  • Provided one man they were claiming to help with prescription drugs
  • Were called out by one homeless man who they exploited on TikTok and promised a job to, after running into him again 4 months later and forgetting who he was
  • Received lots of positive coverage from the media, but had one interview with Barstool Sports taken down after realizing they had donated to a fraudulent charity
  • Website claims that their mission is to “DO GOOD” and that they implement a 4 phase program, but most people claim they never received help and were used for photo ops
  • All of the treatment they “paid for” with donated money could be paid for with Medicaid and health insurance
  • Agreed to meet up with me in person to show me their books and prove they weren’t crooked, only to cancel last minute when they realized I would see through their scam




7. Porky Big and the Manchester Meatball Mafia vs 10. DCF Bukake Hooker Mom

7. Porky Big and the Manchester Meatball Mafia

  • Well known to Manchester Police due to his propensity for armed standoffs that require the SWAT team
  • Porky Big was seen in video being arrested by Manchester Police after trying and failing to run and dropping a backpack with drugs after being questioned by police
  • Squealed like a feral pig while attempting to be detained for 10 minutes
  • Had friends and family filming and attempting to interfere with arrest
  • But Porky Big’s Momma also showed up in the comments and shared the video too, claiming she didn’t care what he did and was upset that he was arrested
  • Kept blaming the police for doing their job, while completely ignoring her own failures as a parent.
  • CNA girlfriend showed up on the Live Show and called in and swore at us in failed attempt at ratchet redemption
  • Family immediately sent vague threats and promises of deformation lawsuits for blog
  • After the blog Mom went FULL CAPS LOCK, and said she wanted to meet me face to face, only to block me on social media



10. DCF Bukake Hooker Mom

  • When she was 16 years old she made the news as a missing child who had reportedly run away with a man she met online
  • Mother of three who had custody of none after abandoning baby daughter to pursue new career as online, plus sized hooker
  • Left her two older behind and moved to Indiana in 2018 where she got knocked up and had daugher in 2019.
  • Forced child to live with her gang-banging boyfriend in Indianapolis apartment in what can best be described as a tumultuous and dangerous environment based on pictures they shared on social media of him pointing a gun at the camera.
  • Boyfriend posted a video on Instagram of himself locked in the bathroom, trying to hide from a crying, swearing Samantha while baby was sleeping while this loud disturbance was happening
  • Boyfriend ended up getting murdered
  • She overdosed and daughter was put in foster care with her mother and sister
  • Drove cross country in UHaul with unrestrained baby
  • Stayed at friend’s house with baby but was thrown out after a week because she’s too ratchet
  • Moved back to Indianapolis to be online hooker, leaving baby behind
  • Daughter bonded for 3 years with her older brothers who she also abandoned
  • Blew off custody hearing allowing sister to have permanent legal guardianship
  • Decided to f*** with her daughter’s head some more by trying to regain custody in 2021 but was denied because she couldn’t provide basic needs
  • Offers 2 girl discount for $1,000 an hour, or $750 for 30 minutes
  • Allows guys who pay to have sex with her to leave creepy comments on Facebook pictures of her daughter
  • Due to money she was making as online hooker a horrible judge in New Hampshire known to get people killed granted her custody of daughter, ripping her from only world she knew
  • Daughter was eventually reunited after client she was banging pulled a gun on and robbed her as she recorded it all on video
  • Claims she never abandoned daughter and threatened to sue TB for deformation




2. Quincy Queef Jerky vs 15. Chucky Child Support

2. Quincy Queef Jerky

  • Quincy mother who helped her daughter beat up a 12 year old girl by pulling the girl down by her hair and allowing her face to be stomped on
  • Filmed the entire thing, yelling “Get this bitch! You dumb white ho!”
  • Immediately had warrant put out for her arrest by Quincy PD
  • Also filmed her niece assaulting another white girl who didn’t hit back on a playground
  • Left victim’s mother voicemail shortly after her daughter was assaulted, calling her a “white cracker”, and threatening to pull up to her house and murder both her and her daughter
  • Sent victim’s mother text messages, mocking girl for being suicidal.
  • Previously charged in Roxbury and BMC Central with threatening to commit a crime, A&B with a dangerous weapon, assault, and skipping jury duty
  • Had to go to probate court to force daughter’s suspected baby daddy to submit a blood sample to see if his man chowder was the one fertilized her sperm sponge



15. Chucky Child Support

  • Posted on Brockton Hub that he owes $12K in child support and doesn’t think he should have to pay
  • Says he went into probate court and then “magically” owed $12K, compared it to Nazi Germany
  • According to him he can’t make money by getting a job and therefore has no choice but to steal
  • Began to harass Bristol County Register of Probate after losing in court and being forced to pay child support for kid he abandoned
  • Refers to his child as “someone’s bastard.”
  • Previously lost custody and was ordered to pay $103 a week after not showing up for a court hearing
  • In 2019 he requested that the payments be reduced to $50 because he was “going to shool” (spelling school incorrectly) and saw his kid once a week, but then  forgot to show up for the actual hearing
  • Has Google trophies and convictions for larceny, warrants, witness intimidation, and drug distribution
  • Refused to provide court ordered DNA samples as a result of his prior convictions, asked state troopers who requested a DNA sample if they were gonna shoot him, which they declined, then asked them why they weren’t “cleaning up heroin,” which he used to sell
  • Constantly portrays himself as a victim despite repeatedly breaking the law, missing important court dates, and not paying court ordered child support
  • Refers to the jails he keeps getting sentenced to as “concentration camps,” because that’s where Nazis put good, law abiding people like him
  • Ironically shared Facebook memes about the importance of wearing condoms so as to not reproduce
  • Refuses pay court ordered fees and continues to drive without a license so he can get a free jail vacation for a few months while someone else raises his kid




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