Ratchet Madness 2022 Round 2: Fupasloth Region

 

Second round voting in the Didi Region is officially over and we now know which 4 ratchets have advanced to the Sweet 16.

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I said it last night on the Live Show – in all my years of analyzing ratchets I have never seen a human being encapsulate what it means to be a ratchet as much as Michael Giannetti does. He has it all, and if he doesn’t win the whole thing then I’ve lost faith in this tournament. We also had a couple upsets at the bottom of the bracket, so the door is open for him to at least get to the Final Four.

Time to pick the last 4 finalists for the Sweet 16. You have 24 hours to vote for who should advance in the Fupasloth region.

 

1. Dasha Kelly vs. 9. Grafton Gherkin Gobbler

1. Dasha Kelly

  • Pretended that she was the mother of another woman’s 3 kids in order to go on CNN and scam people with a $225K GoFundeMe
  • Lied about being unemployed due to COVID in order to pressure the federal government to extend the eviction moratorium
  • Failed to mention that she lives with an able bodied deadbeat who she made leave the apartment when CNN showed up
  • Revealed to have had multiple evictions and twice tried and failed to sue the casino that fired her
  • After getting caught GoFundMe offered to return money to all donors and she ended up getting sued
  • Said that it was OK because she “feels like the mom” despite just being the chick who the baby daddy is currently shacking up with
  • Began going on bizarre YouTube channels where she magically turned into the ratchet she always was by shitting on the real mother of the kids she pretended were hers

 

9. Grafton Gherkin Gobbler

  • Is a white girl named Lakesha
  • Lacks custody of her children and all of her best family pics are in the DCF visitor’s room
  • Claims to want her kids back but is doing the polar opposite of what you would be doing if you wanted them back
  • Shacking up with face tattooed, chinstrapped, Hennessy drinking junkie rapper with Google trophies
  • Posts extremely ratchet things on Facebook about missing doses at the clinic, bragging about how she sends pictures to ex-boyfriends with her new man’s pee-pee in her mouth
  • Complained that she doesn’t get enough sex constantly
  • Boasted that the n word stuffing her at the time said that her ass wasn’t big enough and that she gave subpar felatio, but said this was a contradiction because he would explode orally in 23 seconds or less
  • Left the shelter to get laid by him but when she went to pick him up he was hooking up with her Mom
  • Says that if you use condoms on her she only will allow “name brand shit”

 

 

 

4. Hyde Park Punani Porch Pirate vs. 5. Huntington Gropey Groomers

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4. Hyde Park Punani Porch Pirate

  • Caught on Ring cameras going around stealing Amazon packages in Boston
  • Identified as a deadbeat teen Mom who sells cocaine and has been robbing people for years
  • Mom who defended her honor on Facebook sells webcam videos pleasuring herself and appears to be about 12 years older than her daughter
  • Mom passed on the family trade to her daughter, who also does the same

 

 

5. Huntington Gropey Groomers

  • Dad got arrested for trying to lure a minor to have sex with him while on a family camping trip in New York
  • Exhibited bizarre behavior towards teen daughter, including snuggling together and whipping her while wearing leather chaps at a Halloween party
  • Was a volunteer firefighter in Huntington and allowed his Confederate loving teen daughter start dating another creepy Huntington firefighter who proposed to her in front of friends and family
  • Facebook pictures of the couple are incredibly creepy, posted well before she turned 18, and became Facebook official on her 18th birthday
  • Pedo father of the bride posted his support on his grooming friend’s Facebook page when he was being accused of being a creepy diddler

 

 

 

3. Captain Coochie Camper vs. 6. Ashley St. Angelo

3. Captain Coochie Camper

  • Cross dressing, drug fueled psychopath who drives around with his former MMA girlfriend turned crackhead filming amateur pornography in their camper
  • Met current girlfriend in a mental hospital or rehab, he can’t remember
  • Filmed himself peeing on her, then got her a job working as a day shift stripper in Salisbury
  • Alarmed several women in the community when he pulled up to them at gas stations and attempted to solicit them for threesomes in the camper
  • One of these women was a 17 year old
  • Says he can have any woman he wants, so he charges people to be their coach and teach them how to pick up women with whatever 10 he’s currently dating
  • Isn’t allowed anywhere near his own daughters because of sexual abuse allegations
  • Films himself walking around naked on Facebook Live
  • Forces girlfriend, who also abandoned her kids, to get “property of Scott Nadeau” and “Scott’s sex slave” tattooed on body
  • Went out looking for pineapples and tried to pick up another couple at a gas station but they didn’t appreciate that and allegedly threatened him, so he got in his car and chased them on the highway before the Bow NH Police told him to stand down
  • Forced drug addicted “wife” to fight a homeless guy on the beach for money, who got extremely rapey when the man began pulling her pants down and spanking her in public
  • Recently violated a restraining order by contacting a woman through a third party and claiming that he needed to speak to her because he had discovered the cure for cancer
  • Likes to go to the hospital a lot where he films healthcare workers without their consent
  • Came on the Live Show and attempted to perform sexually before we had to cut him off

 

 

6. Ashley St. Angelo

  • Transgender dude blogged about in 2020 after his missing teen daughter posted on Facebook that she had runaway from him because he’s abusive
  • Immediately tried to profit off her disappearance with a GoFundMe
  • Constantly in trouble with the law and once tried jumping off a bridge for attention and pity
  • Attempted to get us to take the blog down by smearing his children as liars
  • Filed for restraining order after we refused, which was granted by tyrant judge in Providence
  • Began harassing and stalking my family at home and work
  • Had restraining order taken out against him in Leominster District Court, which he violated and had a warrant out for his arrest
  • Ended up being arrested by East Providence Police and is currently facing charges in Fitchburg
  • House ended up becoming condemned by animal control after deplorable conditions were discovered

 

 

 

2. Braintree Senorita Snail Trail vs. 7. Mansfield Bovine Barbie

2. Braintree Senorita Snail Trail

  • Dorchester hood bunny who “got out the hood” and moved to Braintree with her litter of children
  • Went to drop off this morbidly obese and neglected offspring at school, but intended to confront administration, teachers, and students over “prejudism and racism”
  • Vowed to confront 6th graders on Facebook Live inside the school building: “These kids be walking around here like they have some type of whatever because they’re white. Well I’m gonna be that woman to be over here and make sure they don’t have that”
  • Confronted the school resource officer and principal in the main office and yelling the n word at the top of her lungs in front of children, before being removed from the building
  • Almost ran over the crossing guard and was parked in the bus lane
  • Called the principal a “white cracker,” before finding out that her car was going to be towed because her license was suspended
  • In front of her kids she repeatedly used racial slurs and vulgarity, and even interviewed them and coerced them to say that their schools were racist so they could get on Fox 25 News
  • Kept calling the principal the “bitch ass principal” in front of kids
  • Contemplated beating up a cop: “It would’ve been f***ed up if I had beat the shit out of that cop, right? Maybe I should just catch a whole new case and beat the f*** out that bitch!”
  • Forced kid to say he was being bullied, “Because you’re fat, right?”
  • “The only thing they can use against me is that my car isn’t insured and I don’t have my license.”
  • Went home for Round 4, which is 15 minutes of her swearing and complaining about how racist everyone is, and vowing to take over the suburbs with hoodrats
  • Said that her fat son was justified in assaulting another student while her feral four year child roamed around the house in a diaper
  • Promised to get arrested and go to jail in order to prove how much she cares about her kids
  • Older son was killed in gang activity that she involved him in
  • Vowed to ignore restraining order from school: “Telll me I can’t go back to the school? Well a bitch like me, I’m gonna go back to that school, and I’m gonna keep going back”
  • Stated that “Those slaves fought for us, so we can read and we can write,” even though she can do neither
  • Vowed to keep her kids home from school so they could “do their Google shit”

 

 

7. Mansfield Bovine Barbie

  • Said she would leave the $10 in the mailbox for baby swing on Facebook marketplace, ended up leaving $2 instead, but promised to pay back the other $8 before blocking the woman she got it from
  • Responded with a post of her own, threatening to smack the OP with $8
  • Despite not being able to pay $10 for a swing she was living it up on Facebook, getting her nails done and eating “bomb crab legs”
  • Salivated over burger on two pieces of Wonderbread with government cheese, and claimed it was the greatest thing she ever ate because it was the “size of a f***ing tire”
  • Posted bizarre picture with no pants on in living room, arm around crackhead who can’t keep eyes open, with her child directly in front of fupa
  • Crackhead boyfriend she allows around her child has Google trophies ranging from assault and battery, domestic violence, larceny, and violation of restraining orders
  • Multiple evictions
  • Came on the Live Show and stood inches from the camera the entire time while defending her honor