Law and Order

Somerset Essential Worker Arrested For Threatening To Bomb Fall River Dunkins Over Lack Of Butter Pecan Coffee, Claims Only God Knows The Truth

 

This is Somerset father Justin Furtado.

He was arrested earlier in the week for threatening to bomb a Dunkin Donuts, and his rationale for doing so was faulty at best.

Turn to 10Police said a Somerset man was arrested after he threatened to blow up a Dunkin’ shop in Fall River Friday evening. Police responded to the Dunkin’ on Robeson Street just after 4:30 p.m. for a report of a bomb threat. According to authorities, an employee called 911 reporting a man called the business and threatened to blow it up. The area was shut down for 30 minutes while officers and the Fall River Police K-9 unit inspected the inside and outside of the building for any devices or suspicious packages.

During the investigation, detectives learned 26-year-old Justin Furtado had called the coffee shop and asked if they were selling butter pecan coffee. When he was told they were not, he became upset and threatened to blow up the store. Furtado was arrested at his home by Fall River and Somerset police and was charged with the following:

  • Bomb threat
  • Disturbing the peace
  • Disorderly conduct
  • A threat to commit a crime

He was transported to the Fall River Police Department where he was booked and processed.

Of all the flavors you could bomb Dunkin Donuts over, this Port-a-naughty chooses butter pecan? I can understand radicalizing and becoming a terrorist when they discontinued cinnamon flavor, because everyone knows that was the best flavor. But butter pecan? Not worth going to jail for in my opinion.

Mr. Furtado has been loudly proclaiming his innocence on the Facebook machine, claiming that he was “slandered” by a police report the news put out, and appears to be the first TB ratchet to use the “only God can judge” defense because he actually believes in God.

You rarely see ratchets quote the Bible.

So he may be legit, and actually welcomes God’s judgment.

He wants people to pray for him.

He says that he can’t be guilty because he reproduced.

His backwards hat pastor with the shared Facebook account gave him a dindu nuffin blessing.

He’s even got friends named Heaven praying for him, so his odds of conviction are low.

Everything in this guys life seems to revolve around God.

Newsflash – God can’t save you on this one, but evidence might. He hasn’t been convicted of anything, but it seems unlikely that FRPD would arrest someone without probable cause. Then again, God left Fall River a long, long time ago.

One thing I’ve learned about the Port-a-geez throughout the Jasiel Correia affair, is that if one of them gets arrested for a crime, then by rule everyone else must run to Facebook to proclaim their innocence or face deportation back to the Azores. According to Gina Dasilva this is all a big misunderstanding.

I see. Apparently this man has a habit of calling around to various Dunkin Donuts in order to inquire about whether or not they can sell him butter pecan flavored syrup. He had no problems until the woman who answered the phone in Fall River got “nasty” with him, forcing him to threaten to call corporate, which was misconstrued as a bomb threat and constituted enough evidence for the police to arrest him.

Another reason he couldn’t possibly have done this can be discovered by looking at his Facebook filter.

He’s “essential” because he works at Walmart.

Except that he’s not. His job technically is, but not him personally. This is why I despise the “essential” designation. It’s creating a class of people who think we’re supposed to stand and clap for them because they’re lucky enough to keep their jobs while millions of other people are forced into unemployment and bread lines by the government.

On that note, I anxiously await seeing how God handles this one.

 

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