A discount children’s consignment shop in Tiverton, which was already hurting from the lockdown, was robbed today by a woman who used her two children as props.
Teaching one kid how to steal while using the other as a prop is new levels of dumpster sluggery. She actually brought in an old car seat with a 6 month old inside, transferred the poor little booger into a new carseat, and walked out with a bunch of free stuff while she showed her four year old daughter how to gank a barbie.
Pro tip – if you have a noticeable tittoo and you plan on robbing a store, don’t wear a tank top because everyone will know who you are immediately. Meet Jade Fernandes from Somerset.
Dog filter. Shocker.
Her Facebook page is of course a courthouse cornucopia, and she recently celebrated getting off probation while crossing her fingers that she will not be back in front of a judge any time soon.
That lasted all of a month. Sadly for Jade courts will be a regularly part of her life moving forward. Civil, criminal, and probate. Almost as common as the amount of men she will bring home and her children will refer to as “weekend Dad.”
Her poor daughter is already damaged enough from being named Skylie.
Just because your mother gave you a stripper name doesn’t mean you have to curse your daughter with the same. Hopefully that poor girl can get the same luck that half of Kate Peter’s litter of children got and find a nice foster family to adopt her.
Jade can’t afford to pay for clothing or carseats but she can afford a BMW.
So enabling Laura Elizabeth Renee Pons should probably just stop talking completely.
After people started tagging Jade in the comments she replied to them individually with a sob story about her house burning down and how she lost her job due to COVID.
But of course if she had lost her job due to COVID she would undoubtably have benefitted from it because there was no way she made more than the $600 a week she collected on unemployment. That doesn’t even factor in the food stamps and other assorted goodies she gets from the welfare tree. Is she can afford a BMW, then she should be able to afford discount clothes at a consignment shop. Contrary to her assertions she is not actually a good mother, and the DCF Fairy should probably pay her the first of many visits to come.
She claimed that she made arrangements with the store to return all the items.
But shockingly that turned out to be a lie too.
If Jade wants to come on the live show this weekend to explain the various ways she dindu nuffin she’s more than welcome to hit me up on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson, or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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