Southbridge Man Arrested For Assaulting Girlfriend’s 10 Pound Dog 

 

A Southbridge man named Michael LeRiche was arrested this week for assaulting his girlfriend’s 10 pound Pomeranian.

I didn’t realize you could get a hernia in your neck, but here we are. Looks like he’s having trouble digesting a water balloon full of maple syrup.

I for one am as shocked as you are – this marfupial has a girlfriend and you can’t even get a text back. Then again, who can resist the raw sex appeal oozing from his honches?

When you date someone who looks like this you expect that there’s at least a 65% he’s going to diddle your grandkids. That’s just science. So you keep an eye on him and make sure he’s never alone with them. But kick a 10 pound dog? That’s a shade of demonic no one saw coming. They’ve been together for years too, and that’s what happens when you date someone based purely on their looks. Let that be a lesson ladies – the sex might be irresistible, but eventually their true colors come out.

 

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