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A Springfield ghetto guppy was at the Big E this weekend when she found a wallet with $500 in it. She turned it in, but not before taking $500 out of it and going on a winter clothing spending spree for her children, who almost definitely do not have the same Dad. We know she did this because she thought it would be a wise idea to lock onto her Facebook “business” account and announce to the world what she had done.
By “business” she means a section 8 dumpster fire of an apartment with a 70 inch TV and not a single book to be found, where you can get your eyelashes done for half price if you pay with food stamps.
I’m not sure what what the ghetto guppy’s real name is, but she goes by Shei Lianny on Facebook.
Remarkably she had no idea that bragging about stealing $500 from someone would lead to negative reactions from people, and she had a message for the critics.
I don’t know what that means because I’m fluent in Holyokese, but she appears to be upset that people are treating her clitoris like a chocolate eclair bar instead of a soft serve.
Then her boyfriend of the month Chris chimed in to defend the woman who collects his baby gravy.
$500 ain’t nothing to him, but yet they couldn’t buy clothes for their kids without stealing $500 from someone else. Does this look like a guy who is struggling financially?
If 3 years of missing child support had a face. Sure, he doesn’t have any savings because selling shitty weed and/or fentanyl doesn’t come with a 401K, but he does have gold chains, a collection of pubes he calls a chinstrap, a money bag upper neck tattoo, and he gets to live in luxurious Springfield. Y’all wish you could be him.
Turns out she owes another woman money too.
I’m shocked the underground lashes business is going so poorly that she has to steal from other people and not pay back her debts.
The girl who allegedly lost the wallet was a Big E employee who came forward.
Safe to say she won’t be getting a dime of that money back until Diego’s new package gets here and Jdm Chris can get back to work.
I’m willing to bet both of these winners have an assortment of Google trophies. If you know their real names feel free to message me on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson, or email [email protected].
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