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SSTG Investigates: Chris Martin Is Unemployed, Lives In His Truck, Has Been Arrested For Stealing, And No One Tried To Steal His Harley Davidson


So a lot of turtle riders have accused us of being soft liberals after I published this blog about 17 year old kid who was forced to roll in the mud and assaulted on video by a much larger and older man named Chris Martin.

I had the audacity of not applauding a vigilante with a drug problem for coercing a confession out of a minor with the threat of physical violence against him and whatever family member Chris Martin could get to fight him. This makes me Hillary Clinton.


A small sampling:

Nah, this dude is my hero

Was this written by a bleeding heart liberal? He deserved it. 

From someone that was just robbed by cutty bitch, this guy is my hero! 

 Nope. The blog has the wrong take on this. Yeah, this guy could’ve called the cops, got this kid in deep shit, and given him an arrest record. Instead the kid got scared and he got some mud on him. Boohoo

I hope TBS isn’t going soft here. This was public shaming in an awesome way. This is exactly what TBS does. Don’t spoil it.

Missed the mark on this story guys. Thieves are the lowest of the low, zero sympathy that he left embarrassed and muddy. Cahhhvahh Hardo is a-ok in my book.

Handle your own. Teach the shitbag a lesson. Hopefully he will remember his roll in the mud like a pig.

 I’m sorry but I kind of applaud this guy. Maybe he wasn’t right, but maybe he wasnt wrong either. I’m absolutely sure it took a lot of self control not to kick the crap out of this little thief. 

Disappointed in TB sports today. Completely wrong take on this one. When we were kids this was a real possibility and it made us do less dumb shit. Now the thief is the victim and wonder why there are little punks all over the place who have no fear of authorities

Really turtleboy your going to try and make the guy look bad that protected his property from thieves? These kids are local scumbags

Punks need a little attitude adjustment. Those kids have more to think about real life consequences now the little Not slap the Johnny on the wrist and send him home. I would like to nominate him for sheriff

 Turtleboy is typical of any form of media leaning to the left these days. Kid got what he deserved, scumbag thief.

Kid deserved to get his face kicked in for trying to steal from the guy. This is a bullshit article.

Any my personal favorite:

He could have just shot them. So in that regard, he handled it well.

The amount of people who seem to think that we live in a lawless society where citizens have the right to forgo due process for the accused and hand out justice as they see fit, makes me feel like I’m living in a lawless 1800’s boom town.

I don’t like seeing my blogs get ripped to shreds like this so I dug into this some more because I wanted to know the truth. Uncle Turtleboy invited both Chris and the kid from the video on the live show last night for an interview. Only the kid took him up on the offer because he wanted to clear his name. Granted, he has every reason to lie, but at least he showed up and his story was consistent. And according to him Chris Martin was sitting in the bog by himself when he randomly accused these teenagers of stealing from him. I thought this was odd because why would someone just be sitting in a bog? More on that later.

The confession you saw was forced via threats, as Chris Martin weighs close to 300 pounds. On top of that, Chris Martin didn’t demand the stolen property back from them because NOTHING WAS STOLEN!!! Although according to Chris in the video the kids had tried to steal his Harley Davidson.

So our inbox was flooded today with people who know both Chris and Zach. We spoke with one of Zach’s former teachers who said she didn’t hear him speak that much during an entire year in class. He was a quiet kid, albeit not a good student. He never misbehaved or got in trouble. He just liked to ride his dirtbike and work with his hands. In other words, it would be out of character for him suddenly to become a Harley Davidson thief at the age of 17.

The messages about Chris on the other hand were much more damning towards his character:

You should also know his Harley isn’t on the road because he can’t afford to get it registered or insured. He’s literally the furthest thing from a “man”. None of what any of his new found fans think about him is true. That’s why he won’t talk to you.

In the video he railed about the virtues of getting up “at 4 AM” and working to provide for a family. Yet Chris Martin doesn’t have a job!!

And yes, Chris Martin was at one point a drug addict. Anyone who doubts it need only look at this:

Is it proof? No. But it’s pretty strong evidence. And pardon me if I’m distrustful of viral videos shot by tough guy addicts.

Then there’s this comment from 2012 on his now suddenly private Facebook page:

Is that proof he was in jail? Nope. Is it yet another piece of evidence that leads you to believe that Chris Martin isn’t really a good guy after all? Yup.

Oh, and then there’s this:

Oh look, it’s actually Christopher Martin who is the thief. It’s like he was just projecting anger on himself the whole time in that video. Chris Martin is a common name, but I was able to confirm that July 26, 1982 is his birthday.

The reason he was at the bog that morning was because he doesn’t work, and he lives in his car. Thus this post:

This is what a source tells us:

He was just kicked out of his ex gf’s parent’s house, with her parents living there and paying all bills themselves. So he has been living out of his truck for about a week. He wasn’t working the majority of the time he lived there. I have no idea if he sells drugs, but I would not be surprised. He definitely doesn’t wake up at 4am or own anything for anyone to steal. Just his unused Harley that’s still sitting in his ex gfs parent drive way because he can’t afford a storage unit and he has no place to keep it otherwise. And his truck. 

But remember this quote from Chris:

“Tries to steal from grown ass man who fucking work for what they have.”

If you guys fell for this guy’s shtick, it’s not a big deal. We all make mistakes. I get that we all want to believe the working class dude from Cahhhvahhh over the sneaky bike thief teenager. I’m guilty of falling for something similar two months ago when I blindly believed Franklin Baxley over Dog Park Diane. So the lesson here is the same lesson we all should’ve learned a while ago – don’t take viral videos at face value, especially when the person who posted them is extremely biased and only wants to show one side of the story. More importantly, always question things that confirm your pre-existing biases. If you wanted to believe that this kid was a thief because you’ve had stuff stolen from you before, then you already know who you believed without looking into it at all.


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