In 2017 MVTB published a blog on TBS about Keytar Bear, the infamous and anonymous man who dresses like the teddy bear from Ted and plays a keytar around Boston for tips, after he was attacked by three teenagers from New Hampshire.
MVTB defended him then, since he appeared to be a victim, and similar incidents had happened before. We even shared his Go Fund Me to get a new keytar, which raised more than $10K. Everyone loved Keytar Bear.
But as it turns out, the guy inside Keytar Bar isn’t very nice at all. This was discovered on Facebook yesterday when a woman accused Keytar Bear of blowing kisses at her and following her around. There are two sides to every story, but it was Keytar Bear’s response to this that seemed to give it more legitimacy.
That’s not very nice Keytar Bear!
He was just getting started though.
According to Keytar Bear the people who have a problem with him need to perform unspeakable acts upon him.
How can someone this innocent say stuff like that?
Naughty Keytar Bear!!
But instead of just apologizing for calling this woman fat repeatedly, he kept playing the “you’re attacking me because I’m Jewish” card, and painted himself as the victim of bullying.
I’m told that this is Keytar Bear.
I’m not saying he’s not Jewish, but I can’t find the passage in the Torah that says “thou shalt smite fat chicks.”
I can’t for the life of me find out Keytar Bear’s real name (if you know it send us a DM). But Vice did a story on him last year and we know he’s from Sutton, he’s half white, his father’s black, his mother’s German, and he doesn’t mention anything about being Jewish.
However, I’m starting to think that these “random” attacks on him might not be so random after all.
Keytar Bear has a recurring story—a cyclical, mystical loop. First, he’s brutally hurt in some capacity, forcing him to hibernate out of sight as he recovers. While he was once lauded by Mick Jagger, he more often makes local—and sometimes national—news because of the many fist fights he’s been in, all a matter of self-defense. (In the past five years, he tells me, he’s punched “around six dudes” in total.) He’s been involved in so many physical altercations that, in the wake of police arresting three New Hampshire teenagers for attacking him in 2017, Boston.com compiled a round-up of all his brawls: the time a man chucked a Snapple bottle at him and ruined his instrument; the time a man pretended to take a selfie with him and clocked him in the nose; the time a man and woman beat him and robbed his tip bucket; and then the time—the most recent—three boys from the Live Free or Die State ripped off his mask, hooked him in the jaw, and jacked his cash.
Anyone who attacked Keytar Bear was clearly in the wrong. But I think it’s clear at this point that Keytar Bear doesn’t mind punching below the belt, and likely antagonizes and provokes attacks because he knows that people will donate to his GoFundMe when he does get attacked (which happens all the time).
Others said that they know women who have had similar experiences with Keytar Bear, and it turned into a mini #MeToo affair.
Keytar Bear low key threatened that guy by suggesting that the guy doesn’t know what Keytar Bear looks like in real life, and made references to knowing a lot of tough guys.
That’s when he started with the “you’re gonna make me kill myself” nonsense that people use in order to turn themselves into the victims.
This is what people do now thanks to the Michelle Carter verdict. Now every person on the Internet who makes a fool of themselves threatens to get revenge on the people who call them out on their behavior by vowing to kill themselves.
Revenge suicide shouldn’t be a thing.
Finally he ended it by subtly threatening the woman he repeatedly called fat earlier.
This whole thing was traumatic. It’s like walking down the stairs on Christmas Eve and finding Santa Claus deflowering your Mom. I’ll never be able to look at Keytar Bear the same way again.
Then again, maybe it’s a good thing. The concept of Keytar Bear is cute and all, but perhaps the grown man inside of Keytar Bear should consider getting an actual job instead of posting stuff like this on Facebook all day.
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