Unidentified Naked Man In Malden Walks Into Traffic, Jumps On Top Of Car As It Attempts To Drive Away

 

Commuters in Malden were in for treated to a show today when an unidentified diversity man decided to walk into traffic in his birthday suit and jump on a random car.

The driver in the red car knew it was bad news the moment he saw Kimbo Lice walking down the middle of the street with his jurassic pork hanging out.

He tried to pull a u-turn and get the hell out of there.

But by that point it was too late. The rest was destiny.

After he got on top he did a little fentanyl flossing before realizing that inertia was about to give him a date with the pavement.

The driver apparently didn’t want to gun it out of there because he knows that black lives splatter too. But if you have a 250 pound naked man on your roof I think you’re well within your rights to drive away and let him figure out the rest, since you didn’t choose to participate in this.

After the car started moving Bernie Crack sat down, smearing his bunghole gravy on the hood and windshield, and got some sun as the shell shocked driver slowly attempted to drive out of there without killing him.

Just another Tuesday afternoon in Malden.

 

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