Before Turtleboy ever published a blog there was a cult in Uxbridge that had caught my eye called “The Church of End Times.” I wrote about them in 2016 because they deserved to be blogged about, and they are magnificent entertainment.
The Church of End Times was basically a cult designed to steal money from 19 year old runaways, and it worked pretty well for the “Archangel” David Stanley and his #2 “half-breed” Dennis Stanley.
Cucifix shows. Where do you even buy those? I can’t decide who’s midlife crisis is more sexy. David on the left with his sweet vest and Dunkin Donuts ice water, or Dennis with his button downed shirt complete with overflowing hair chest. Eat your heart out ladies!!
The church was also the same address as their business, “Driveway Corporations.” They had a solid grade of F from the better business bureau because they took your money and never did any work. Sometimes they would go door to door in places like Marlboro, asking people if they wanted their driveways paved, but you’re supposed to have a permit for that.
They had some really sick cars though:
And I love what it said on the side of the doors:
Call me. Personally. #69
Inside the church David Stanley was basically God. He went around northern Rhode Island and the Blackstone Valley looking for girls with loose morals who wanted to “find Jesus.” He was the self-proclaimed prophet, but no prophet could do the Lord’s work without a DJ. That’s where Dennis came in. And this show they gave their legions of followers is one of the most epic videos ever uploaded to Youtube.
Ladies, I understand if you need to take a break from this blog and change your panties. That was heavy.
The plunge into the crowd of girls from Woonsocket with Daddy issues was a nice touch.
And you see those two kids sitting in the thrones behind him? One of them is his kid, and the other one is Dennis’ son. The kid on the right is named Garret Stanley, and it looks like he’s planning on taking over the family business.
While this church was going on, they were pulling in chicks left and right. Just check out some of the testimonials from the Church of End Times Facebook page:
The Driveway paving/fake church racket is the way to go. I mean, some of these chicks are hot.
How’d you like to be that guy? “Hey hunny, I went through this stage where I was a groupie for this gypsy in Uxbridge. I gave him a bunch of money and competed with a haram of emotionally damaged 20 years old with daddy issues. So where are we going out to dinner?”
They also did exorcisms in case your body is inhabited by the devil.
Posted by The Church Of The End Times on Friday, September 7, 2012
That was some serious exorcisming right there. The Devil did not want to come out of that man so the prophet pulled it out for him as Team Narcan cheered him on.
The good times didn’t last forever though. Two girls were caught breaking into homes in Sutton. When they were arrested they listed the Church of End Times as their place of residence. Even their Mom said it was a cult.
“It’s definitely a cult,” says their mother.
Andrea Gault stood outside Uxbridge District Court this morning, as sons David and Dennis faced charges of resisting arrest and disturbing the peace.
“I just don’t know what to do except try to bring the church down,” says Gault. “I love my sons. But I pray this nightmare will be over soon.”
Then the Stanley’s pissed off the neighbors because they were riding dirt bikes all around, setting off fireworks in the middle of the night, and there was a never ending parade of damaged 17 year olds streaming into and out of the house. Young Garrett Stanley also had a propensity to flash cash money everywhere and ride around doing tricks without a helmet on.
I’d say that the blackface and comfortable usage of the n word would jeopardize his future, but I think we can all agree that Garett has no future.
The problem with that is it can lead to this:
Don’t worry though, he vowed to continue to never wear a helmet:
Awesome parenting going on at the Church of End Times.
Both David and Dennis were also married. David’s wife seemed cool with it, but Dennis’ wife Beth didn’t like the fact that he was literally taking girls and bouncing them on his lap IN HER HOUSE, and bringing them to the point of orgasm. He also refused to let her sleep in their bed because he brought five or six girls to bed with him every night.
This happened in real life. In Uxbridge.
They had a pretty foolproof story if people ever complained.
“If I was against anything that they did I was demon possessed. You know, it was just so nuts,” said former member Beth Stanley.
Eventually Beth Stanley got a restraining order against her husband. When they went to serve it Dennis refused to come out because he only recognized “God’s” authority. The girls in the house surrounded him and it was basically Ruby Ridge without guns. The standoff finally ended when David brokered a deal and he had his day in Uxbridge District Court.
Outside of the courthouse the groupies showed up and began stimulating themselves on Dennis’ truck.
Bizarre, sexually-charged behavior played out right in front of FOX Undercover’s camera recently when some the female church members first left provocative notes on Dennis Stanley’s truck, then two of the women began rubbing their breasts and buttocks against the vehicle.
The best part was David’s explanation of the girls throwing themselves at Dennis:
“You realize Dennis is single. If I was single, I wish I could roll like that,” Stanley said.
“Were those church members?” Beaudet asked.
“Well, they were friends. Believe it or not, it’s nothing perverted. I know that seems hard to believe. But there is nothing. Dennis has never slept with any of the girls. It is all in fun. It really, really is. It is completely clean,” Stanley said.
Yup. Just friends. Just a bunch of horny 18 year olds in heat, rubbing their Gerber servers all over your car in broad daylight outside of the courthouse for the cameras to see.
Dennis also denies that he had sex with the 6-8 girls who slept in his bed with him while he wife was forced to sleep on the couch.
“I’m friends with all the girls. We hang out — maybe give a massage; nothing sexual.”
Yea, no sex. Maybe a massage. He’s a regular massage therapist.
They still have this sign up in Douglas somehow.
Someone apparently has drawn a penis at the point of climax, doing unspeakable things to the Driveways Corporation billboard.
It looks like the spirit of Christ no longer compels them. They no longer have a group of petitte horny women around them anymore. Dennis apparently has left his family for good and is breeding with this thing.
And David is still doing his thing as well:
Nevertheless, the legend of the Church of End Times lives on in the belt buckle:
As amusing as these gypsies are, they’re actually horrible people who have disturbed the lives of many by preying on vulnerable young girls.
But if they were around today I’d go undercover and “join” the “church” in a heartbeat. The material would be legendary.
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