Vote For Who Should Advance In Round 2 Of The Kylie Kirkpatrick Bracket Of Ratchet Madness


Here are the 4 ratchets who will be advancing to the Sweet 16 in the Hadassah Bracket. Spoiler alert – our first 1 seed was eliminated.

And we finally have our first major upset of the tournament. Top seeded Hadassah is out! Guess it was a tough matchup going against the only woman in this tournament who’s crazier than she is.

Onto the Kyle Kirkpatrick Bracket. You have 24 hours to vote for which ratchets should advance in each of the following match ups. I have provided links and a bulleted ratchet resume to help you make an informed decision.


1. Kylie Kirkpatrick vs. 9. Mustard Meatflap

1. Kylie Kirkpatrick

  • Coached 9 year old son to lie about using allowance to pay off classmates’ school lunch debt so that she could fly across the country like a celebrity and raise thousands of dollars in donations from people
  • Isn’t allowed near her son’s former elementary school after turning a nationwide mob on them, and then threatening parents waiting outside for their children
  • Actively solicited donations while pretending to be a non-profit
  • Took in donations from Nike that she immediately sold online
  • Conceived her son in a brook closet with her counselor in drug rehab
  • Abandoned her daughter to be raised by her parents
  • Went to jail after cashing several checks worth over $10,000 belonging to roommate
  • Had to change son’s last name, presumably because she ran up bad credit using his social security number
  • Lied about her son’s deadbeat Dad dying from ALS in order to get free tickets to an Athletics game
  • Has sued over 20 people and lost every time
  • Viciously attacked the deaf community and sued a deaf woman who started a petition about her job as an ASL instructor due to the fact that she is not trained to do so
  • Is a recovering junkie
  • Silenced and terrorized members of the community who attempted to post factual information about her by threatening them at work and harassing their employers
  • Was investigated by the Napa Police and charged with 8 felonies
  • Created a Twitter account in her son’s name that she used to pretend to be her son and heap praise upon herself for being a single mom
  • Repeatedly sought out the media, celebrities, and politicians using social media in order to get things like free Super Bowl tickets



9. Mustard Meatflap

  • Completely lost her mind on a guy in the 300 seats at the Garden after her puffy coat accidentally rubbed against his mustard and/or nacho cheese
  • Immediately posted about it on Facebook, bragging about how she got better seats after she went “all Sicilian on the pathetic mother f***er”
  • Originally a Webster stripper who started having sex with her boss and quickly got promoted and received great reviews from him at the company
  • Has been known to leave 3 and 7 year old child home alone to avoid daycare costs
  • Said that she’d come on the live show but only if we took the video down and claimed that multiple other TV stations wanted exclusive interview with her
  • Claimed that “we all lose our s*** on people” so it wasn’t a big deal




12. Jared the Jet Ski Junkie vs. 13. Foreskin Fapnado

12. Jared the Jet Ski Junkie

  • Attempted to impress a girl at a lake in Plymouth by taking her out on a jet ski and doing tricks, despite her asking him several times to go back to the shore
  • Ended up crashing into another jet ski and abandoned her in the middle of the lake unconscious
  • Went on Facebook and blamed her, falsely claiming that she was driving and denied leaving her there, and said that he was the victim because he needed reconstructive surgery
  • Went on WBZ News and claimed he saved the victim’s life
  • Is a junkie who was previously arrested for selling Viagra
  • Often wears flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats and has the motto “I f*** s*** up” at the top of his Facebook bio
  • Ended up getting arrested four months later after it was revealed that he was high and he abandoned the victim



13. Foreskin Fapnado

  • Has a long and documented history of sexually harassing strange women online and sending unsolicited pictures of his private areas to them
  • Attempts to court women by sending screenshots of what he claims is a Discover bank account with hundreds of thousands of dollars in it, but really he cleans dishes at Applebees
  • Claims to be well endowed and often tells women who turn him down that they are forgoing multiple orgasms
  • Abandoned his daughter but pretends to be a good Dad by posting private text messages she sends him out of pity
  • Claimed that a woman in New Jersey asked him to buy her a drink so he did and then dumped it on her, justified by saying that “these sluts got what they deserved”
  • Bragged about having herpes
  • Said he was finding out where I lived and sent me pictures of a dozen women he claimed to have fornicated with, all of who deny it




3. Amanda Sawyer vs. 6. Pawtucket Murder Couple

3. Amanda Sawyer

  • Wrote nonsensical things about the West Warwick Police being corrupt on the back of her vehicle and offered to drive drunken strangers home from the bar as long as they listened to her ramble on about how her 16 year old son’s ex-girlfriend and the girl’s mother had falsely accused her son of assault
  • Continuously meddles in her son’s love life and is particularly concerned with establishing the fact that her son broke up with his ex-girlfriend and not vice versa
  • Repeatedly denied that her son ever touched his ex-girlfriend even though she posted on Facebook that he “put hands on her”
  • Claims that her son’s ex-gf hacked into his account and sent herself messages so that he would get in trouble for violating a restraining order she took out against him
  • Pulled her son out of school in order to avoid his ex-gf, recklessly keeping him from getting an education and contributing to the truancy of a minor based on her irrational delusions
  • Refuses to get a job despite having 5 children, a pit bull, and a boyfriend who seems to pay for everything, because investigating corruption is a job
  • Wrote “Thank you Turtleboy” on her car because she believed that the blog mocking her was actually promoting her
  • Harassed and filmed her neighbor, who is slowly being driven insane by her
  • Sits outside of the West Warwick Police Station for hours on end holding signs alleging corruption and harassment
  • Dressed up as Wonder Woman and proposed to her boyfriends outside of WWPD headquarters
  • Was committed to the looney bin by her own mother, but still found a way to use a phone there to call into the Live show and rant about corruption
  • Eventually figured out that she was not the protagonist in this story and came on the Live show and ranted and screamed profanities about her son never hitting his ex-girlfriend, even though she literally wrote that he had done so in a previous Facebook post
  • Ended up driving 2.5 hours in the show to court in Springfield with her sons in order to get legal advice from homeless man and reigning Ratchet Madness champion Rian Waters


6. Pawtucket Murder Couple

  • Shot and killed a woman
  • Repeatedly posted pictures of guns and threats to murder people on Facebook, using the name Gothshooter Santana
  • Despite just turning 18 she agreed to marry him and get a target tattooed on her face
  • Literally killed a woman the day after getting married




2. Josh Abrams vs. 7. Manuel Lucero

2. Josh Abrams

  • Unemployed man who lives with his elderly parents in Stoneham and makes money on YouTube harassing and filming police officers, DTA workers, RMV employees, and other gainfully employed individuals
  • Arrested at the straight pride parade for harassing the police and refusing to disperse
  • Was the only person at the parade who was rejected by the police, straight pride participants, and Antifa
  • Was held without bail due to pending unarmed robbery charge in Woburn Superior Court
  • While in jail was beaten up by Billy Tibbetts
  • Later read the incident report on a live stream, claiming that he beat up Tibbetts, while specifically adding language that was’t in the report
  • Set up a former coworker to be jumped and kidnapped after being disciplined at work
  • Intimidated the victim in that case in full view of the police
  • Abused a woman while pregnant with his child who he has since abandoned
  • Assaulted the mother of his child and kidnapped the crotch fruit
  • Told police he would not abide by restraining order
  • Parked in a handicapped spot days after auditing the Brockton Police for using a handicapped spot
  • Sold out friend and auditor Joe Orga at the Worcester Police Station, allowing him to be arrested while Josh walked away and followed police orders
  • Testified in front of the Worcester City Council about police corruption, plugged his YouTube channel, no one had any idea what he was talking about
  • Illegally wire tapped his probation officer who would not confirm on tape that Josh had passed a drug test
  • Was arrested by police in Seekonk for attempting to rape his ex-gf in a motel because she would not have sex with him after he forced her to have sex with a man named Julio in front of him for money


7. Manuel Lucero

  • Convicted rapist from California who ended up incarcerated in the Worcester County House of Corrections
  • Sued the jail several times, including once when he was denied the right to have sex with another prisoner
  • Professional con-artist who pretended to be some sort of computer forensics expert and wrote a non-sensical brief (from jail) about why his prison boyfriend Adam Walker was set up by the ADA he had been stalking and harassing
  • Called me pretending to be an attorney and threatened to sue me
  • Called the Prescott, AZ police and claimed that I was threatening him
  • When a Prescott cop called me on the live show I thought it was him setting me up again so I said sexually derogatory things to a police officer repeatedly
  • Fake resume includes internship with congressman, chairman with the National Lawyers Guild, veteran status, business owner, lawyer, and doctor
  • Sent himself death threats using a burner app, appearing to be from my phone number, in order to get a temporary restraining order against me in an Arizona court
  • Ended up getting arrested and sent back to jail because he wasn’t allowed to travel more than 50 miles from California as part of his conditions of being a sex offender



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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonetization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the Donation button above if you'd like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:  Qries

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