A video of a man “jerkin the gherkin” outside of the Stop & Shop at Springfield Plaza was shared far and wide on Facebook yesterday. Because it’s graphic and I don’t want to get this site blacklisted by Google AdSense I have only published it on Turlteboy Sports. So venture over there by clicking here if you’d like to see it.
The post has been removed, possibly because of the unfortunate site of his LBC triggered a pornographic algorithm, but according to the OP she saw him staring at her. Someone may wanna tell this man about a magical invention called “The internet.” It allows you to pick and choose your spank bank arsenal from the privacy of your own home. You can literally choose anything you want, and it doesn’t require driving to the grocery store to find fully clothed strangers as material.
Look, I can understand people who have sex in public. I would imagine there’s a certain thrill that comes along with that, and it’s a cool story to tell. But this is a sadder story than Louis C.K. He didn’t even have a paper towel or anything. When he finally finished all that would’ve been left was a dry cleaning bill and shame.
The worst part about the video is how he reacted once he realized he got caught mid-stroke.
That face you make when the tummy pancakes you’re ready to serve up have to get put back in the fridge.
He seemed more annoyed by the inconvenience of temporary blue balls than the fact that he was about to be Internet famous for being the guy who punches the clown in the grocery store parking lot.
If you recognize this man, or if you are able to run license plates, feel free to reach out to me on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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