The Leominster Police put out a missing junior mcmuffin alert yesterday on Facebook for a 16 year old boy named Xzayion Velazquez.
When you give your kid a name that would set a world record in Scrabble you know eventually you’re both gonna end up on Turtleboy. FACKS!
“Last seen January 4.”
So they haven’t seen him in two weeks and decided it was time to alert the authorities. That’s normal.
Lucky for them LPD found him within minutes:
He good fam. XYZ Affair has been working on his rap career and has plenty of cash to survive on his own until he’s 18.
Perfectly normal for a then 14 year old child to be flashing stacks of hundred dollar bills on Facebook
Just for the record, there is a 1,000% chance they will be arresting him and charging him with a felony as an adult within the next two years. I don’t know what that charge will be, but it will be a felony. That’s just science.
Meet Mom, or Yaikina Colon. Or as he calls her, “my queen.”
Very normal stuff to refer to your mother as that.
I for one am shocked that it took a fortnight for this woman to alert authorities that she misplaced her underage semen demon.
“Spending time with the fam” = forgetting that I haven’t seen my kid in a couple weeks because I’m getting matching tattoos with the latest guy stuffing my taco.
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