Who remembers this woman?
Her name is Jessica Kane, AKA the Pawtucket Xanny Zombie, and she’s been featured on Turtleboy several times before starting in 2017 when she messaged the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page, thinking we were Facebook drug dealers.
And in one of the greatest MSM fails of all time, in 2016 the NBC “Investigative” Team fell for her act hook, line, and sinker when she claimed she was abused by an ambulance worker on one of her weekly taxpayer funded rides to the hospital.
That interview was amazing. She literally puts on a blazer and some non-prescription glasses and the schmucks on the “I-Team” just assume she’s a law-abiding non-ratchet member of society who totally doesn’t make up lies to try to win court judgments in order to fuel her drug habit.
Then in 2019 she mother and backpage hooker filmed herself smoking crack while driving her car.
Despite her 2019 New Years resolution to be the “year of my comeback,” the only thing she’s come back to is Turtleboy fame. This week she was once again arrested for driving a stolen vehicle in North Smithfield.
A woman with a long criminal record who reportedly lives in Chepachet was arrested this month in North Smithfield after a registration check on a vehicle parked at Hilltop Motor Inn revealed it was stolen out of Warwick. Jessica Kane, 31, was charged with felony possession of a stolen vehicle, 2nd offense, and arrested on warrants by North Smithfield police on Friday, Jan. 14. According to Kane’s arrest report, officers confronted Kane at her hotel room and she admitted that she had recently been released from Kent Hospital in Warwick, and had stolen the car, a Toyota Rav 4, from her brother’s girlfriend’s sister. A search revealed that Kane also had a warrant out of Cranston for fraud.
Her past criminal record includes charges of assault and disorderly conduct in Johnston; obstructing an officer and assault in Providence; domestic violence in Chepachet; driving with a suspended license in North Providence; fraudulent use of a credit card in Smithfield, assault and disorderly conduct in Smithfield; driving with a suspended license in West Warwick; providing false information to 911 in Lincoln; and possession of a stolen vehicle and disorderly conduct in Woonsocket, along with several past warrants for failure to appear.
In 2016, Kane was featured in a news segment on NBC-10 stating she’d been assaulted by an EMT from North Providence. Shock-jock style tabloid/news blog Turtleboy Sports revealed the following year that Kane had mistaken the website for a drug dealer and tried to purchase Zanax.
Shock jack style tabloid news blog? Oh well, at least they cited us!
Her criminal record is no joke though. Look at all these charges:
She literally stole another car in December in Cranston!
All she does is steal cars, drive them without a license, commit credit card fraud, assault cops and civilians, shoplift, and lie to 911 operators. Yet somehow she remains free because apparently the State of Rhode Island and their politically appointed judges want her to keep getting chances in order to give us material to blog about.
Jessica Kane was released on personal recognizance and has a hearing on February 1 that there is a 0.0% chance she will actually show up at. Same time next year.
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