Canton Cover-Up Part 282: Brian Tully And Lindsey Gaetani Try To Figure Out How Turtleboy Paid For His Lexus

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I may be in jail, but I can’t stop laughing at Brian Tully’s afterdavid that was used to get Judge Krupp to sign an order allowing police to seize Karen’s phone. For months now, online trolls have been baselessly alleging that Karen’s brother gave me a free Lexus in June as part of a dastardly PR plot to bribe me for favorable media coverage. Her brother works at a dealership in another state, so logically then, he has the ability to hand out new cars to people he likes, and his boss is cool with taking huge hits like that.

I laughed when I saw the McAlbert minions spouting these conspiracy theories while calling us conspiracy theorists, but as time goes on it appears more and more as if Tully is using people like this as his primary source of information. On December 22nd, Lindsey Gaetani told me that Tully showed up at her apartment asking about that. I laughed so loud because I didn’t think he could get any dumber and was so desperate for angles that he was pursuing this one. Then I read this gem in the afterdavid and laughed even harder:

“Jane” is Lindsey. They refer to her in the document as my girlfriend, but my relationship with her mostly involves plowing on Friday nights followed by some light chitchat. I didn’t tell her anything about the case that I didn’t tell you people. Towards the end I began to suspect she was working with Krusty Panties, so I started feeding her misinformation to see if Krusty repeated it. Lo and behold, she did. Including one tall tale that to this day, they haven’t learned was completely made up. More to come on that later.

Let’s break down how insane, idiotic, and embarrassing this quote was.

“Lindsey stated different sources of financial benefit for Kearney and his partners.”

I don’t have any partners, and the sources of my financial benefit are people who buy things in the store, join Turtleclub and donate. You also notice that the website is infested with ads, and apparently Tully and Lindsey haven’t figured out that advertisers pay you money for that.

“Lindsey stated Kearney is doing well with donations.”

She cracked the case!! It’s not like I announce donos during every live show or have a GiveSendGo that tracks donations. Now, thanks to Tully’s new source – the chick who rode the Turtle on Fridays for three months – this mystery has officially been solved.

“Kearney has alluded to the fact that he did not pay for the Lexus SUV he recently acquired.”

This statement is about as real as the baby Lindsey aborted from her fake “keep a Turtle around” pregnancy, or the “I got pushed on a couch” hoax. I didn’t know Lindsey when I bought the Lexus in June, and the only thing she knew about it was how to “distract” me while driving it through Westwood.  (wink, wink) She and I used to laugh at Krusty Panties and others who suggested I got it for free. Now she’s mad about not being able to control me, so she’s just making shit up.

“Kearney made statements similar to ‘if my frugal mother ever found out I paid for the Lexus, she would be mad’ and ‘even if I didn’t pay for it, what’s wrong with that?’”

The inclusion of this sentence gave me a popsicle headache. The thing about my mom, I actually said on a Live show, because we grew up cheap and frugal in my house, and certainly didn’t buy new luxury SUVs. But that quote suggests I DID pay for it though. The second quote, which is made-up of hearsay from a lying sidepiece, suggests that I didn’t pay for it. Make up your mind, Tully. Am I being bribed with a free car or not?

“A check of RMV records reveals the Lexus was purchased at the end of June 2023. Those records reveal the vehicle was paid in full, using a check.”

Wait… what? So, he spends all this time suggesting Karen Read’s brother bribed me with a Lexus, then he uses his detective skills to find out I paid for the car in full, using a check? Pick a lane and stay in it Tully! I’m pretty sure that mid-investigation, it went from “he got bribed with a Lexus” to “he got bribed with money that he used to pay for a Lexus.” What this balding wetbrain doesn’t seem to realize is that it’s pretty obvious to anyone paying attention, that I made money off of my coverage of this story. Generally, that’s what happens in a capitalist society when you create a product that is in high demand because no one else is doing it. In this case, I gave the public what no other media outlet was willing to – a thorough investigation, ambush journalism, activism, and an entertaining live show. As a result of my hard work, my following drastically increased, and I made more money. I apologize to absolutely NOBODY for my financial success.

  • Turtleclub memberships have increased ten-fold. I used to have a couple hundred members paying $15 a month. Now I have almost a couple thousand.
  • Donos on the live show drastically increased.
  • In case you haven’t noticed, there are thousands of people wearing Free Karen Read and Turtleboy gear with our logo on it. That probably should have clued him in to the fact that Turtleboy is killing it!!
  • Website traffic and social media more than doubled, and when that happened, ad revenue increased.

So, there you go Tully – this is why I, like millions of other Americans, could afford a new car. I started a successful business based on reporting the truth. Sure, I could have financed the car, but why would I waste money on interest when I can pay for it on the spot, like a boss? I was going to get a 2020 or 2021 RX350 for $10,000 cheaper, but then I sat in the 2023 on the showroom floor and I looked at the biggest screen I ever seen in a vehicle, and I realized, this was my baby. I earned that car. I went to jail for that car. Being able to afford it with one payment is one of my proudest moments and a symbol of my success. I know it’s hard for unemployed welfare moms like Lindsey to understand this, but some of us generate revenue, instead of living off entitlements.

What Tully and Lindsey have in common is they both suck off the taxpayers for a living. One of them makes six figures covering up murders, framing innocent people, and wasting taxpayer money investigating how many times I spoke with Karen Read.  The other one spits out kids to increase the Section 8 payments and daycare vouchers, while she spends her days getting spray tanned, faking pregnancies and trying to get banged by famous people. Neither one of them understands how business makes money, but it makes me laugh that this is what they’re wasting their time with. Maybe if I bought a Ford Edge instead of a Lexus, they’d find out who murdered John O’Keefe.

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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonetization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the Donation button above if you'd like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:  Qries
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