Canton Ratchet Madness 2024 Round 1: Chloe Region



Voting is completed in round 1 of the Red Solo Cup Region and the following 8 ratchets have advanced to the second round.

We haven’t had a single real upset this entire tournament, which is rare for Ratchet Madness. The choices look to be a lot more difficult in some of those second round matchups though.

Onto the Chloe Region. You have 24 hours to vote for the next 8 ratchets who should advance to the field of 32.


1. Colin Albert vs. 16. Meghan McCabe Mallon

1. Colin Albert – Is too stupid to realize that several people have put their careers and freedom on the line to protect him from being a murder suspect while he makes threatening Tik Toks

16. Meghan McCabe Mallon – Matt McCabe’s plus sized sister and close associate of Krusty Panties who helped organize a McAlbert support group on Facebook




8. Denise Galvin vs. 9. Wendy Murphy

8. Denise Galvin – Jen McCabe’s dopey older sister with the Auntie Bev haircut who likes to threaten people and then pretend to be the victim of online harassment

9. Wendy Murphy – Menopausal over the hill feminist attorney who makes prison rape jokes, never apologized for Duke lacrosse false accusations and believes that John O’Keefe was dragged across Brian Albert’s lawn by a plow




4. Jackie Dugal vs. 13. Steve Nelson

4. Jackie Dugal – Chinless wife of Karl the Cuck who hides behind fake harassing Twitter profiles that everyone knows are her while making cringe George Floyd videos and going after anyone who supports Karen Read

13. Steve Nelson – Victim witness advocate revealed in FBI probe to be involved in coaching witnesses who were summonsed to testify in front of the federal grand jury




5. Jim Farris vs. 12. Julie Nagel

5. Jim Farris – Extremely rude delivery driver for D&E Pizza who drives a beat up Prius and smokes 5 packs a day on Washington Street

12. Julie Nagel – Inside 34 Fairview Road when John O’Keefe was murdered and made up a story about seeing a shadowy figured on the lawn 9 months after the murder




3. Michael Morrissey vs. 14. Mike Valkanas

3. Michael Morrissey – Porty corrupt hack DA who is knowingly charging an innocent woman with murder while giving press releases filled with obvious provable lies about coverup

14. Mike Valkanas – Doctor who assaulted turtle rider outside of Canton Town Meeting and then hid in police car before getting kicked out




6. Grant Smith-Ellis vs. 11. Ken Dugal

6. Grant Smith-Ellis – Attention seeking fake reporter spawn of Wendy Murphy who lies all the time, harasses Karen Read, and makes out with his hand on courthouse steps

11. Ken Dugal – Karl the Cuck’s stupid brother who spends all day on Twitter providing cover for the people who murdered his supposed friend John O’Keefe




7. Kenny Berkowitz vs. 10. Nick Marathas

7. Kenny Berkowitz – Disgraced Police Chief who “found” tail light outside Brian Albert’s house and asked a reporter to take down a tweet to hide the fact that Brian Albert had a dead body on his front lawn

10. Nick Marathas – Jill Daniels’ homophobic elderly boyfriend who is the first person to call if you have a bloody carpet you wanna get rid of




2. Lizzy Proctor vs. 15. Mark Grossman

2. Lizzy Proctor – Entitled twat who calls people’s workplaces to try to get them fired and then claims to be a victim of witness intimidation when people do the same to her

15. Mark Grossman – Chris Albert’s former neighbor who desperately wants to be accepted into McAlbert society by giving cringe speeches at Board of Selectmen meetings in defense of corrupt police department



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