Canton Ratchet Madness 2024 Round 2: Tail Light Region


Voting is finished in the Whole Internet Regional of Ratchet Madness 2024 and the following 8 ratchets have moved on to the round of 32.

Real nail biter there with Twisted Tragedies, and Jill Daniels was a lot closer than anticipated. Should be some good matchups for the second round.

Speaking of the second round, it’s time to vote for which 4 ratchets should advance to the Sweet 16 out of the Tail Light region. You have 24 hours to vote for the most ratchet in each matchup.


1. Jennifer McCabe vs. 9. Michael Lank

1. Jennifer McCabe – Googled “hos long to die in cold” to make sure John O’Keefe was dead then started a support group for his mother

9. Michael Lank – Corrupt townie cop and close friend of the Alberts who they call whenever they need to cover up a crime


4. Julie Albert vs. 5. Adam Lally

4. Julie Albert – Raised her son to be all around douchebag while frequently skipping court dates to avoid creditors, cucked her deadbeat husband with shady Canton cop

5. Adam Lally – Basically gets paid slightly more than a teacher’s salary to tell lies for corrupt DA Michael Morrissey while boring everyone to death with word salad


3. Ken Mello vs. 6. Sean McCabe

3. Ken Mello – Bootleg attorney who can’t drive, shows up to court unprepared whenever he feels like it, has long history of not paying bills and stiffing clients

6. Sean McCabe – Raging alcoholic McCabe brother who almost got Judge Cannone recused by threatening to bury Turtleboy’s corpse in backyard of Cape Cod summer home


2. Brian Albert vs. 7. Roast Beef Ronnie

2. Brian Albert – Hardo Boston cop who never came out of house after being alerted about a dead Boston cop on his front lawn

7. Roast Beef Ronnie – Gets paid by Chris Albert to give middle finger to peaceful protesters while yelling “Fuck you Turtleboy, you’re a bully with a camera”



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