TB Investigates

Canton Ratchet Madness 2024 Round 2: Tail Light Region

 

Voting is finished in the Whole Internet Regional of Ratchet Madness 2024 and the following 8 ratchets have moved on to the round of 32.

Real nail biter there with Twisted Tragedies, and Jill Daniels was a lot closer than anticipated. Should be some good matchups for the second round.

Speaking of the second round, it’s time to vote for which 4 ratchets should advance to the Sweet 16 out of the Tail Light region. You have 24 hours to vote for the most ratchet in each matchup.

 

1. Jennifer McCabe vs. 9. Michael Lank

1. Jennifer McCabe – Googled “hos long to die in cold” to make sure John O’Keefe was dead then started a support group for his mother

9. Michael Lank – Corrupt townie cop and close friend of the Alberts who they call whenever they need to cover up a crime

 

4. Julie Albert vs. 5. Adam Lally

4. Julie Albert – Raised her son to be all around douchebag while frequently skipping court dates to avoid creditors, cucked her deadbeat husband with shady Canton cop

5. Adam Lally – Basically gets paid slightly more than a teacher’s salary to tell lies for corrupt DA Michael Morrissey while boring everyone to death with word salad

 

3. Ken Mello vs. 6. Sean McCabe

3. Ken Mello – Bootleg attorney who can’t drive, shows up to court unprepared whenever he feels like it, has long history of not paying bills and stiffing clients

6. Sean McCabe – Raging alcoholic McCabe brother who almost got Judge Cannone recused by threatening to bury Turtleboy’s corpse in backyard of Cape Cod summer home

 

2. Brian Albert vs. 7. Roast Beef Ronnie

2. Brian Albert – Hardo Boston cop who never came out of house after being alerted about a dead Boston cop on his front lawn

7. Roast Beef Ronnie – Gets paid by Chris Albert to give middle finger to peaceful protesters while yelling “Fuck you Turtleboy, you’re a bully with a camera”

 

 

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24 Comments

  1. Aidan, you’re going to need another tournament for all the scrubs that got knocked out early. Some of these are too tough to choose one, the rest of them shouldn’t be let off so easily. Next round Karla Dugal verse Higgins…. Sean McCabe, Lank, Julie Albert, Jill Daniels….
    We need like an NIT to back up the big show.

    1. Some of them got matched up against BEHEMOTHS like Jen McCabe, too. No chance for them.

    1. Ditto, but a few of those are lesser of two evils choices. Roast beef Ronnie making round two is a bit of an upset but no chance he can topple BA, POS.

  2. I had to look up who twisted Tragedy lady was. Wow. That ratchet is the queen of go fund me. She started a few for herself and has some others I’m sure she gets some or all of the donations for.
    Here’s a thought. Get a fucking job. Stop begging other people who work hard for $.
    I’m sure she already gets her. Monthly debit card and free food card. What a loser.

    1. Ronald sucks, D & E sucks!
      Even you guys’ frozen food microwave pizza is better than that place.

  3. We definitely need another tournament. First nominee is the townie who lives across the street from the Alberts and whose ring cameras were conveniently out of service the night of the murder. Shitbag!

    1. 💯%. That camera captured Karen NOT hitting anyone w her car and them dragging him out of the back yard! How could it not pick up both of these things? IMPOSSIBLE

  4. Maybe rbr pulls off the upset over Brian Albert solely based on Brian alberts inactivity. I know an upset is unlikely because ba helped beat a guy to death but has he been seen since being spotted in Norwood after selling his house and gaining 80lbs?

    1. Oooh did Brian Albert get even fatter and grosser than he already was? Dude got hit by every branch of the ugly tree when his obese ass fell out of it.

  5. Roast Beef Ronnie
    Hopin to become
    Ratchet Madness
    Cinderella boy
    Already fitted for his gown
    Hardly workin
    For that minimum wage
    Makin the mediocre chicken parm
    EXTRA mediocre
    Murderin the meatballs . . .
    And what he has done
    to the tuna salad
    May be criminal

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