Carver Man Tracks Down 17 Year Old Who Stole A Dirtbike, Assaults Him, Steals Keys, Makes Him Roll Around In Mud


For SSTG’s more colorful and wildly inappropriate version of this blog click here

This is Chris Martin from Carver:

He recently recently had some dirtbikes stolen from him by local teenagers. He tracked them down, but instead of calling the police he elected to steal their keys and hold them hostage under the threat of physical violence if one of them didn’t roll in the mud and humiliate himself. He then uploaded the videos to Facebook in order to virtue signal about what a tough guy he is:


The teenager was obviously in the wrong if in fact he did steal the dirtbikes. We have no proof of that, just a confession that was coerced under the threat of physical violence.

But that doesn’t mean that Chris Martin is excused for using vigilantism to make his point. He could’ve called the police, or recorded a confession after tracking them down which he could then give to the cops, or bring it directly to the 17 year old’s parents. Instead he felt the need to humiliate a child in order to prove what a no-nonsense tough guy he is.

It’s not his job to teach him a lesson though; it’s the kid’s parents. If my son did stole from another person and that person then came to me about it, I would apologize on my son’s behalf and thank the victim for bringing it to my attention. But if someone did this to my son I’d immediately go to the police and file charges for assault and battery, and possibly kidnapping since he refused to hand the keys over.

Some of Chris Martin’s greater quotes:

“How old’s your fathaahhhh? Does he like to fight? Does he wanna fight? Well then who’s gonna fight? Somebody needs to fight me. Either pay me or fight me. Or give me the bike. You wanna steal from me I’ll steal from you.”

“You’re gonna be 18 in a month? Think I should just wait a month and come and thrash you?”

“How much money you got in your pockets? What you got in your truck? I want something. You tried to take from me, I’m gonna take from you. And I’m gonna do it straight in your face. That’s how men do it.”

No, that’s not how men do it. Men don’t threaten to fight the parents of a child who stole from them. Men don’t hold a kid hostage for being a thief. Men don’t assault 17 year olds by hitting them in the face with mud after the kid complied with his demands and voluntarily humiliated himself.

By the looks of some of Chris Martin’s pictures on Facebook, it looks like he was no angel in his younger days either.

“I know our lives have gone in different directions, but I’m so incredibly proud how far you have come and how you continue to fight.”

I think most reasonable people would infer from that that Chris Martin had issues with substance abuse when he knew this woman years ago, which is why she was surprised and happy to see that he’s cleaned up a bit.

Of course he did it because this is the mob he caters to:

Some people did come forward and point out that he literally assaulted a minor in that video, but Chris wasn’t trying to hear any of that.

Seems reasonable.

While this was going on I was actively engaging as well. This made me a liberal of course:

The bottom line is that what this kid did was wrong, if in fact he is a dirtbike thief. He should’ve been the villain in this story. But when an adult then takes it too far and tries to impress the tough guy crowd by doing this to someone else’s kid, the kid then becomes the victim and the villain becomes Chris Martin.


Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 



Related Articles


Ad Free Turtleboy + TBDAILYNEWS

Ad Free Turtleboy

Ad Free Turtleboy
$10.00 / month