We discussed this story on the Live Show (1:25:50)
Three years ago we published a blog about a man named Shane Hoban, “who called himself Boston’s hottest up and coming comedian,” only to see his career get destroyed when text messages revealed him to be a world class queef.
Basically a girl he met didn’t want to have sex with him so he threatened to shame her and ruin her life during his next act:
He also threatened to assault another woman, weaponize his crowd to call her a slut, called her whore, and threatened to hurt her if she left her house.
He also sent pictures of guns to men who called him out for his behavior.
And just like that his show was cancelled, his career was ruined, and now he’ll never be on Jamn 94.5.
Unfortunately for him he was unable to revive his rap career after his song “I’m a sex offender” bombed.
Shane called me on the phone shortly after the blog came out and asked me to remove it. However, he wasn’t the least bit sorry for how he treated this woman, and only wanted to protect his own reputation, so I told him no. He then wallowed in self pity on social media and hasn’t been heard from since.
That all changed this week when someone named Pat Dillon, who calls himself “Mayor of Southie,” advertised a comedy show he’s hosting that will feature Shane Hoban under his new alias Shane Garrett.
If you’re gonna start fresh with a new name, you should probably pick a new first name too, especially when you have the most white trash name ever. Naming your kid Shane should be a misdemeanor. Having a chance to change your name from Shane and choosing not to should be a felony.
Of course Shane is tagging his old friend Lenny Clarke, who was pumping his tires three years ago.
I guess Lenny doesn’t read Turtleboy.
But the real crime here is that they’re charging $40 to listen to Shane Hoban tell jokes. The only thing worse than his personality is his comedy routine. Just listen to this:
“Ya know, Billy was talking about a Me Too movement earlier. I would tell me to go beyond the Me Too movement with Tom Brady. Tom Brady ya know, Tom Brady to me is like Chuck Norris, exactly like Chuck Norris, ya know? He has ummm, ya know, they have similar, ya know, characteristics with each other. Ya know. I don’t think Tom Brady, ya know, when he goes to church, ya know, I don’t think he prays to Jesus, I think Jesus prays to Tom Brady. I love Tom Brady. Ya know, I umm, I live in the city.”
It only got more cringe from there. He rambled on about his depression and anxiety and the crowd didn’t know what to do. Don’t get me wrong, I feel for anyone who’s dealing with those afflictions, but a comedy set is not your therapist’s office. And this guy frequently blames women for causing his issues because they don’t wanna date him.
He has to lay the Boston accent and the swearing on heavy in order to overcompensate for his completely lack of humor.
Some will say that people like Shane shouldn’t be cancelled and should have a chance at redemption. But there’s a few problems with that:
- Shane is horrible at comedy and should be cancelled from pursuing a career in comedy in the same way I’ve been cancelled from a career in the NBA.
- Even if he was funny, it would impossible for members of the crowd to forget the things he said and separate his private life from his work.
- Shane was the biggest promoter of cancel culture until he got cancelled. His stated goal was to ruin a woman’s life after she politely told him that she wasn’t interested in dating him any more, so he doesn’t believe in redemption either. He thought that he could use his platform as a comedian to bully her and teach her the lesson that women who don’t have sex with him get mocked and embarrassed. He’s just so bad at understanding what is and isn’t comedy that he didn’t realize that no one would find this amusing. People were willing to un-cancel Louis C.K because, 1) he’s funny, and 2) what he did was pathetic, but not nearly as bad as what Shane did.
The Mayor of Southie is free to charge people money to listen to Shane Hoban, but he shouldn’t let Shane hide behind his new alias. Advertise it as the Shane Hoban redemption tour, and let women and victims of domestic violence decide if they’re willing to spend $40 to listen to him talk about how depressed he is.