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Falmouth Woman Proclaims Innocence, Blames Police Harassment After Arrest For Breaking Into A Dozen Cars Despite Possessing All The Stolen Items And A Crowbar

 

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A number of cars were broken into recently in Falmouth and the police announced yesterday that they’d arrested the parties responsible.

I for one am shocked. They totally don’t look like the type. And their hiding spot of behind a bush was pure criminal genius. Normally the cops would never think to look there.

Stories like this are a dime a dozen so normally we wouldn’t even bother with it. But when they go on Facebook and proclaim their innocence with a dindu nuffin rant, it’s always entertaining.

“Enless” you know what happened, she doesn’t want to hear your opinions. Sure, she happened to possess a backpack full of items that were reported stolen. Yes, she looks like she has the “disease” that makes you steal from strangers in order to fuel your habits. But it all could be a big coincidence. These are individuals of high character we are dealing with here.

According to her the cops were really just “ass wholes.”

Ass opposed to Ass halves.

People on her Facebook page were skeptical, but she had a perfectly reasonable explanation for why she was carrying instruments designed to break into cars, along with merchandise that was stolen from cars.

Because you never know when you’re going to drive your non-existent car into the ocean and might need to smash the window open to escape. This is something she needed to have on her for protection during her morning slum sociable to buy cancer sticks at Cumby’s. Plus, her “mah” can vouch for her that all of the items are actually her’s.

As a general rule of thumb I assume that anyone who calls them “cigs” has some food stamps they’re willing to sell me. I think we all can guess what her brand of choice is.

She might as well have Newport 100’s tattooed on her forehead.

So please, stop bothering Ashley because she’s really busy looking for “employment,” and experimenting with dog filters, so she doesn’t have time for your nonsense.

Just understand she dindu nuffin and free muh boi 100 emoji.

 

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