Lowell And Haverhill Women Settle Differences With Hair Pulling To Kick Off Summer At Salisbury Beach

 

Social distancing doesn’t work in the hood, and it certainly doesn’t work when it surpasses 80 degrees for the first time and the Lawrence express starts hearing up north to Hampton Beach. Same goes for Hampton Beach Jr, AKA Salisbury Beach, where some saucy senoritas got the beach season off to a rowdy start by expressing their differences the only way guttermuppets know how to. (skip the first minute or so if you want to cut through the hoodrat negotiations of the rules of engagement)

I think the question we all would like to know the answer to is, who stole whose buy one get one half off Planned Parenthood coupon?

The only living creature in that video that anyone was remotely worried about, and I mean ONLY living creature, was that poor dog. Admit it, the whole time you were just watching that dog and hoping that one of these gestation genies didn’t crush the poor thing.

Of course the matriarch of the family was the one urging both of them to settle their differences by pulling each other’s hair and arguing over which one knew how to spell GED without using Google.

God forbid the adult attempts to diffuse the situation, or urge both parties to just move on with their lives. Everything with ghetto folk has to be settled with fighting so that it can be established who the baddest bitch on the boardwalk was on this particular Wednesday.

The fight itself was your typical girl fight. As soon as the hair pulling and the hoodrat helicopter starts the fight is already over and neither party can win. I don’t know why women can’t just punch each other in the face like the old days, but the hair pulling ruins the sport of it all in this blogger’s opinion.

If I had to pick a winner I’d have to go with San Juan Sandy (the blonde skinny one), because she had great form, knew how to use her center of gravity, hooked the right leg around to trip Thicky Martin up, and overcame a 15-20 pound weight disadvantage.

The four referees whose only rules were, “yo fuck that b**** up,” “drop her s***,” and “the dog don’t got anything to do with it,” were clearly biased towards Thicky Martin and pulled San Juan Sandy off of her when she finally had her pinned.

Meanwhile this poor guy was just standing there thinking, “which one am I impregnating?”

I think we can all agree that our first guess on nation of origin for these fine creatures was Lawrence, but our second guess would probably be Lowell or Haverhill, which is where they actually hail from. Meet , Neyleisha Marquez, AKA Thicky Martin from Lowell.

Just so we’re clear – she doesn’t have time for fake ass crips.

So leave your Shaw’s brand crips at home, because she’s only interested in the authentic crips.

Nor does her sister Nylisha (yes, that’s right – the woman who fired these two out of her baby cannon named them Neyleisha and Nylisha, presumably because she ran out of food stamps to buy vowels), who filmed the whole ordeal.

Sometimes the blogs just write themselves.

You know you’re probably never going to be leaving Lowell if I go to your Facebook page and the first thing I see is “RIP Young King,” featuring a dead guy in heaven giving me the middle finger in Jordan’s.

 

1,000% chance t-shirts were made for the wake, and copious amounts of Henny bottles were left in remembrance.

Neyleisha is a big fan of standing in bathrooms alone and taking selfies of her child support magnet (her posterior).

Notice the comment from Lee Rodriguez, AKA Grandma. This is what Grandmother’s look like in Lowell.

Actually, make that great grandma, because Neyleisha reproduced already.

I didn’t realize the Salter School held formal graduations, but I learn something new every day.

San Juan Sandy is Isis Dominguez from Haverhill.

She swears she didn’t show up to the beach to fight, it just kind of happened.

She swears she didn’t want to fight, but she won’t be disrespected on Facebook. It just can’t stand.

The only loser here today were the taxpayers, who once again will pick up the bill for 99% of the people you saw in that video. But at least the dog wasn’t hurt. That’s all that really matters.

 

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