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Lowell Residents Rob Milford NH Store With Machete, Proclaim Their Innocence On Police Facebook Page After Being Publicly Shamed

 

Milford, NH Police announced over the weekend that they had arrested a man and a woman for robbing a convenience store with a machete! Of course they were from Lowell.

A machete? Was they robbing a store or hunting Vietcong? The pandemic was the best thing that ever happened to guttermuppets like this. Not only did they get paid not to work, they also were forced to cover their faces which made armed robberies like this a lot easier.

The number one rule of thumb if you’re ever shamed like this on a police Facebook page is to avoid the comments section at all costs. Nothing good can come out of showing up in the comments and pleading to the masses as to why you aren’t actually guilty. Not once in the history of Facebook has that ever changed anyone’s opinion or helped a court case.

Cassandra Lloyd does not subscribe to this belief.

So according to her she wasn’t on film robbing the store, therefore she wasn’t involved in the robbery that she’s being charged for. Makes sense.

When I commented she claimed that she didn’t know what the charge was, even though it said in the Facebook post that she was charged with robbery. All she knows is she had a warrant out for her arrest.

She messaged me to clarify.

She insisted that if I wrote this blog it was me who would look like the moron, since she’s such an upstanding and contributing member of society. She’s not like those other bums she knows who were previously featured on Turtleboy.

Unfortunately for her driving a junkie to commit an armed robbery is a crime, and the “I didn’t know he was going to do with that machete when I drove him across state lines to a convenience store” defense isn’t going to work out the way she hopes it will.

Luckily some of her home girls also appeared to defend her honor.

Defamation of character! Well, third time’s a charm at least.

With legal experts like this backing you up….

…how can you fail?

In her attempt to win me over she mentioned that machete boy Brian McKeon was previously featured on Turtleboy, and she enjoyed it. So I searched for him on the website and found this gem from 2017, entitled:

“Hoodboogers Openly Plan To Kill Lowell Cops After Woman Posts F The Police Rant On Facebook When A Local Ghetto Manatee Was Arrested For Fighting The Police.”

Here was Brian’s contribution to that blog:

Chicago Bulls. Every. Single. Time.

He’s a real gangsta who loves a good bromance that ends with a finger in the bunghole. 

Since writing about Brian in 2017 his major accomplishments include reproducing and consuming copious amounts of Jame-O.

He still likes the Bulls.

Back then Machete Moses was bragging about knocking out Lowell cops, but after his most recent arrest someone posted videos of him snitching on his homies in order to get out of a gun arrest while live streaming on Facebook.

On the tapes you can hear him whining about having a daughter and using it as an excuse to rat out a drug dealer to the detective, who he repeatedly calls “sah-jint.”

This mental midget tried to get the cops to follow him to his house so he could set up the drug dealer to get arrested.

“Come on bro, I’m street smaht bro.”

I’m not a G or anything like that, but I’m pretty sure being street smart doesn’t include snitching, no matter how many times you tell the cops you’re not being a rat. I guess it’s not snitching if you say this first:

“I don’t like the kid anyway.”

Oh OK. That settles that.

I don’t live in New Hampshire, but if I did I’d be pushing HARD to build a wall. It’s irresponsible not to if you’re that close in proximity to Haverhill, Lawrence, AND Lowell.

 

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