This is Fredrick Gamble from West Helena, Arkansas.
He’s an Internet gangsta who posts nonsensical things in Ratchetese on Facebook all day, and claims to do anything for his kids, even though he most likely hasn’t paid a dime in child support.
As you can probably guess from his Instagram pictures, he’s finishing up his Master’s Degree in social work.
I’m sure all those guns are legally registered and he’s not selling out of his girlfriend’s house.
Despite being black Scarface, Fredrick posted on Facebook earlier in the week that he had just been kidnapped, and it understandably caused alarm and was shared thousands of times.
Just so we’re clear, he was walking down the street at 3:30 in the morning in a small Mississippi River town, when out of nowhere men with guns jumped out of a gray van and forced him inside. Remarkably he was able to post on Facebook without them noticing, but he couldn’t call 911. The kidnappers were also patient with him as he edited his status without changing a single misspelt word.
His post caused widespread panic in the Dixie Pumpkin Spice Mafia, despite making no sense at all.
Some people did ask questions, but here were always easily explainable answers. For instance, “why did the kidnappers let him use his phone?”
The kidnappers weren’t smart enough to check his pockets. They didn’t tie him up or anything either. They went through all that trouble to kidnap him in their rape van, and then once he got inside they let him sit on his phone with no supervision.
Haven’t any of y’all ever been kidnapped?
Y’all sound so dumb!
Facebook be solving crimes faster than the po-lease anyway. The smart ones are the people who believed this to be yet another kidnapping. The dumb ones were the people who asked questions.
But wait – what if the kidnappers follow Freddie on Facebook?
I mean, they did kidnap him for a reason, right? They must know who he is, and since the post went viral they were bound to figure out that he posted about it eventually. Freddie was toast!
Luckily someone alerted his Mom Cynthia Sparks.
Mom called the cops the right away, and they were able to track his phone to the kidnapper’s house – his 42 year old girlfriend Nicole Rohrscheib.
The kidnappers must’ve dropped him off there while they ran a quick errand to Walmart. Except when the cops got there Freddie was arrested for filing a false police report, felony possession of a firearm, drug possession, fleeing police, and driving on a suspended license from an October 24 traffic stop that he fled from.
So basically he got pulled over while driving on a suspended license, didn’t feel like going to jail, got the hell out of there, and then pretended to be kidnapped, presumably because being a victim makes your criminal charges go away. Or perhaps he was pretending to disappear so that he could avoid taking responsibility for the violent rape he was arrested for last year.
A family member of the victim was initially pretty happy when he thought he was kidnapped because he assumed Rapey Rodriguez was dead.
But nope. He was just pretending to be kidnapped so people would feel bad for him, and the prior charges didn’t go anywhere. No wonder he was hoping that his girl wouldn’t be leaving him when he went away.
Sorry dude, but your menopausal girlfriend’s not waiting around for your rapey ass. She’s only got so many years left and she needs to make them count.