Update: They have been identified. Click here to read about them.
Here’s a video from a playground in Cumberland, RI, showing what not to do at the when 10 year olds mouth off to you, and I would love to know the names of these wild swamp swine.
I think we can all agree that based on their mannerisms, outfits, and parenting skills, these fine folks are most likely from Woonsocket.
Here’s the transcript:
Lucky Strike Linda: “You better f***ing dead it real quick, because now I’m swearing. Because you’re pissing me off. So stop running your mouth!!”
You know you’re grizzled when “dead it” is a regular part of your vocabulary.
Child: “I didn’t do anything!!”
Lucky Strike Linda: “I will smack the dog shit out of you.”
The best part is how she’s pretending that using foul language and threatening other people’s kids is out of character for her. As if swearing isn’t a standard part of her every day vocabulary in front of children.
Child: “I don’t think this is appropriate to do around children.”
Lucky Strike Linda: “I don’t care I will smack the dog shit out of you too.”
At this point if you had the misfortune of being the man who impregnated Auntie Emphysema as she threatened and shouted vulgarities at children on a playground while being filmed, you would probably attempt to extricate her from the scene because it’s just a horrible look overall.
But Tank Top Tommy here had a different approach.
Child: “I will call the police.”
Tank Top Tommy: “Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up!! You’re a bunch of trash, get out of here!”
Getting called trash by a grown man who likely has no savings and plans to one day retire after winning $10K on a scratch ticket is a badge of honor.
Tank Top Tommy then pushed both the gutterpig he dropped his seed in, and the poor traumatized child they had the misfortune of creating.
Lucky Strike Linda: “Look at her, this little pig right hee-ya.”
Tank Top Tommy: “You f***ing fat pig! Hey, you wanna get knocked the f*** out kid? Keep running!!”
Child: “I’m not doing anything”
Tank Top Tommy: “Yea shut your f***ing mouth! You too!”
Lucky Strike Linda: “You wanna go? You wanna get tough? You wanna get tough? So shut the f*** up!!”
Throughout the video it was the children who attempted to act like adults and de-escalate, especially the girl in the black shorts.
Unfortunately they had no intention of listening to her.
Child: “I don’t think you should be threatening little kids right now.”
Lucky Strike Linda: “Shut up!! You, shut your mouth! Now you’re getting me mad!!! Now you’re pissing me off!!”
Child: “I don’t think you should threaten little kids. It’s just little kids.”
Lucky Strike Linda: “I don’t ca-yah. I don’t ca-yah.”
If you ever find yourself trying to rationalize or explain to an 11 year old girl on a playground why you find it to be absolutely necessary to threaten two kids, one of whom got there by riding on pegs on the other kid’s bike, you should probably re-evaluate your life choices.
Child: “If someone was threatening your children how would you feel?”
Lucky Strike Linda: “Now you have my kid crying. You? I’m getting your ass!!”
Here’s a thought – maybe your daughter is crying because every time she goes out in public there’s a 75% chance that at least one of her parents is going to challenge a kid from her school bus to a duel.
Once again the girl in the black shorts asked an adult question to supposed adults in an attempt to get them to think about what horrible trashbags they are.
Child: “If someone was threatening your child how would you feel? I don’t think you’d feel very well.”
They thought about it for a second, but then the sight of two 10 year olds getting away on their bikes without getting beaten up first was too much of a stimuli for them to ignore.
Lucky Strike Linda: “She’s a f***ing pig swearing! Being all nasty, and then I got two punks, talking shit!”
Tank Top Tommy: “Hey why don’t you put some clothes on ya pig? Keep running!”
Child: “Well you were threatening them and I don’t think that’s very cool.”
Tank Top Tommy: “I’ll threaten all of y’iz.”
Because if there’s one thing Lucky Strike Linda doesn’t stand for, its foul language on the playground.
I’m not sure what happened before the video started filming, but it doesn’t really matter because there’s literally no scenario you could come up with that would rationalize the 90 seconds of mayhem you just watched.
As trashy as these two are, it’s also trashy to go full Jonny Gomes hardo by informing the community Facebook forum about how you would’ve kicked the crap out them if you were there!
Thanks for sharing that Joel. We all were wondering what you would’ve done if you were there. Does this look like the kind of guy who puts up with those kind of shenanigans on his playgrounds?
Nobody treads on him.
He really is the perfect Joel.
Anyway, if you know who either of these trouble guppies are feel free to send me a DM on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson, or email email@example.com.
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