Before I had a mental breakdown someone sent me this Fall River junior hoodbooger fight video and I never got a chance to blog about it, so let’s all enjoy it together. Click here if it doesn’t embed on the blog.
You could watch that video a thousand times and still have no idea who’s on whose side there. Everyone’s port-a-geez and rocking a pubestache, and not a single person in that video is ever leaving Fall River. Ever.
It begins with the home team defending their turf – an abandoned church parking lot. Of course no Fall River fight video would be complete without a chinstrapped man well past his prime with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, a flat brimmed hat on his head, and a cup of Dunkin in his hand overseeing it all to make sure there are no shenanigans.
Then the visitors arrived after completing their remote learning to make their claim to the territory and decide once and for all who be running these streets.
Hundreds of punches were thrown in that fight, and exactly zero were landed.
There was however, no shortage of grappling and yelling “Wus up??!! Wus up??!!”
And Monica Cannon-Sweatpants did the unthinkable – attempting to walk over a two foot barrier. Unfortunately this was far too much physical activity for him and he fell down and give us all a special treat.
He rebounded quickly though, and although he was involved in a huge brawl that could’ve gotten some seriously hurt if any of these McMuffins knew how to fight, at least he kept his mask on.
You know it’s bad when you can’t even connect on a curb stomp, which happened several times.
I mean, he’s right there guys. Edward Norton bows his head in disgust.
Then out of nowhere Professor Plum busted out of the conservatory with a lead pipe and wacked the guy in the back.
Fall River Clue:
It was the fatherless child
In the church parking lot
With a lead pipe
I do have to admit that the abandoned shopping cart in front of the abandoned church with hoodboogers throwing empty haymakers at each other, was like a metaphor for Fall River.
No point in going to church if everyone’s going to Hell anyway.
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