Law and Order

Ware Man Survives After Leading Rutland PD On 100 MPH Bike Chase, Getting Ejected Onto Pond, Power Couple Defends His Honor And Threatens Journalist


Last Friday some chud from Ware was driving his motorcycle over 100 mph through Rutland prompting Rutland Police to stop the pursuit in the interest of public safety. Apparently the driver still thought the cops were chasing him though, because he didn’t slow down and ended up hitting a guardrail, getting ejected onto the frozen water, and miraculously fleeing on foot before getting arrested.


I have so many questions. But more than anything I’d just like to know his name. Thanks to “police reform” local PD Facebook pages are afraid to post the names and mugshots of criminals because they haven’t been found guilty yet. But a guy who goes by Shamrock seemed to be very vocal about defending the honor of the criminal, while criticizing the police.


Shamrock’s real name is Cameron Sheahan, and he looks exactly like the kind of person you’d expect to impregnate your 16 year old daughter if you lived in a trailer park.


To the surprise of nobody Wiggie Smalls is not a fan of Turtleboy, and has had friends featured in the past.


Believe it or not there is a woman who looked at this man:

And said, to herself, “I’d like to see what his tuna torpedo feels like in my stench trench.”



Arianna Hopkins is a Southbridge hairdresser with a door knocker stuck to her nose.



If you grow up in Ware, this is pretty much what the pinnacle of success look like:

A woman who weighs under 150 pounds and doesn’t mind spending her Saturdays chillin at a $120K house with a dirt parking lot filled with broken down Chevy’s and a guy in the background wearing jorts who can get you an 8 ball in 30 minutes or less.

Arianna was also on the Rutland PD Facebook page defending the honor of the chud who got ejected from the bike, claiming that he was a good friend and therefore could not be a criminal.


Well dear, he committed a crime and almost killed a bunch of women and children, so I assure you he’s deserving of all of the “disgusting” comments people are leaving about him.


According to commenters the biker who Arianna and Shamrock were defending was a guy named Jake.


So we contacted Rutland PD, and they gave us the name Jake Bodwell. As fate would have it Jake, Arianna, and Shamrock are always tagging each other on Facebook like some sort of Gaffney-esque throuple. That was Jake in the background:

You’ll never guess who Jake’s favorite sportball team is.

The hat. Every. Single. Time.

Jake looks like the kind of guy who left Webster because it was too classy for him.


I messaged Jake myself to confirm it was him.


But Arianna and Shamrock claim that screenshot is a forgery, even though she didn’t deny it was him when I asked.


Weird, because Shamrock and Jake were making jokes about borrowing each other’s vehicles just yesterday on Facebook.


Wiggie Smalls was intent on finding out where I lived, presumably so he could give me tips on how to grow a pubestache, and claims that his friend in the crash (who totally isn’t his thunder buddy Jake) is suing Rutland Police for excessive force (even though they stopped the pursuit and his friend still crashed).

You move to Holden to get away from people like this, but Holden is next to Rutland, and Rutland is the gateway to Ware, so unfortunately there’s really no escaping it.


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