Law and Order

Webster Man Arrested For Armed Robbery Of Same Convenience Store Twice In A Week Has Come A Long Way From When I Used To Catch Him Smoking In The Shepherd Hill Bathrooms

Aidan KearneySeptember 10, 2020

 

The Webster Police recently arrested a man named Kyle Brinkley who has been going around committing armed robbery in town.


Man bun.

Nuff said.

Pro tip – if you’re going to rob convenience stores with notes that say you have a gun in order to fuel your drug habit, you should always make sure to avoid robbing the same store in a short period of time. There are other stores, you’ll just have to put in a little more effort.

The Webster Police Department’s Facebook page is like alumni newsletter for me since I used to teach in neighboring Dudley, and 90% of our “problems” came from the part of Dudley right by the French River that separates the two towns. Seeing Kyle Brinkley’s face on the WPD’s wall of shame is probably the least surprising turn of events ever, since he was a nudnik in high school and appears to still be a nudnik today.

I used to catch kids smoking in the bathroom all the time and bust their balls (I taught before vaping was a thing). Most of them could admit when they were caught and respected the fact that if I caught them it was part of the game, and it was nothing personal. But Kyle used to always give me the hoodrat routine, always acted like I was the problem for enforcing rules, walked around the hallways with his pants down to his knees, and thought I’d be impressed by his suburban hardo routine.

Doesn’t look like he ever graduated based on the chirping he directed at the superintendent’s graduation picture in 2014.

Being featured on Turtleboy after getting arrested by the Webster Police apparently runs in the family too, since his big bro Jared made his debut on Turtleboy in 2016 when both he and his ginger girlfriend were arrested for DUI in the same car on the same night after they tried to pull a Chinese fire drill after crashing.

Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.06.08 AM

I’m so confused why anyone would break the law in Webster. Didn’t they hear the news that the police chief there laid down on his chest with black lives matter protesters who were taunting him for 8 minutes? Guess not.

 

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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonetization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the Donation button above if you'd like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:  Qries
Aidan KearneySeptember 10, 2020