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Westerly Couple Leaves Kids At Home, Robs Family Farm Stand To Subsidize Their Addiction Despite Recent No Contact Order 

 

For SSTG’s much more colorfully worded take on this story click here to read it on TBS.

Anyone who’s lived in a rural area is familiar with family farm stands that use the honor system. Usually they leave a jar outside where you can leave money for fresh tomatoes, eggs, etc. The system works because it operates on the basis that the type of people who would steal from a family farm live far away in Godless places like West Warwick and Pawtucket. But unfortunately these people have Nissan Maxima’s now, so no farm stand is safe.

You have to be a pretty big lowlife to do something like this, which is exactly what Kendall Garrahy and Gabe Austin are.

Kendall is a mobile incubator whose lone strength in life seems to be her ability to reproduce on command.

One day she saw this man’s face.

And she said to herself, “I’d like to have unprotected intercourse with that man in order to increase the chances of procreation. He seems like he’d be a great father, and totally will not leave us on the hook for child support or miss every birthday party for the rest of my kid’s life.”

As you can see from one of Gabe’s numerous Facebook pages, he’s naturally attracted to losers.

Imagine living in a northern state and celebrating an imaginary country full of losers that started a war, couldn’t finish it, and cowardly surrendered after we killed hundred of thousands of them and freed all their slaves. Sad.

In the least surprising turn of events ever Gabe Austin and his BM are well known losers in town.

He appears to specifically target victims who don’t speak English, like poor Lillian here.

And this one was by far my favorite.

The fact that more than one woman in that area is willing to provide felatio services to this individual says more about Rhode Island than anything else.

Busch Light. Must be formal night at the Austin household.

Also, this guy gets it.

Our greatest contribution to society has been the fact that we’ve spread awareness of the dangers of anyone wearing a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat.

According to others she actually lives on a family farm too.

Which is why a romantic date with her last boyfriend involved stepping in copious amounts of manure.

Some of their enablers complained that the OP’s screenshots showed the faces of their children.

I really hate this argument. It’s a screenshot of a Facebook page of someone who robbed her. The thieves chose to put pictures of their kids on their wide open Facebook page. Then then chose to engage in a life of crime. It’s not other people’s job to care more about their kid’s privacy than they do.

Then there was this.

Dear Heidi,

There’s nothing in life I’m less interested in than getting to know their “journey.” They’re criminals who rob local farm stands. They deserve to be publicly shamed every day for the rest of their lives. The end.

Then there was this nonsense.

“He’s such a good kid. He has potential. She’s a bad influence.”

Oh yea, he seems like a great kid with tons of potential based off his long and documented history in the Rhode Island courts.

Recent cases for domestic assault by strangulation, breaking and entering, conspiracy, larceny, violation of no contact orders, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, driving without a license, and whatever’s behind door number 3. Wicked good kid for sure. If only he didn’t impregnate the farmer’s daughter he’d be at Brown right now getting his degree in rocket science.

 

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