Woman Bearing Resemblance To Famed Cape Cod Golden Girl Bandit Steals Over $400 Worth Of Merchandise From Falmouth Small Business


Over the weekend a small business in Falmouth was robbed and the person they’re looking for isn’t what you imagined they would look like.

Old people are out of control. First they want us to shut the country down to protect them from COVID, now they’re out during a pandemic robbing stores blind that have already been decimated in order to protect old people. This is right out of the Uncle Leo playbook – steal everything and then claim to be so old that you forgot to pay.

The woman in question certainly does bare a resemblance to this washed up Cape Cod sea hog:

Mary Gelsthorpe, better known as Granny McStickyfingers, was first featured on TB in early 2018 when she was caught stealing cash out of a tip jar at a restaurant in Bourne.

Then last year she made another appearance after getting caught stealing clothes from a lesbian owned non-profit consignment shop in Bourne who she previously sexually harassed.

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However, after speaking with sources it appears as if this is not Granny McStickyfingers, despite the similar hair color and part.


Which begs the question – how how many old farts are there on the Cape that go around robbing small businesses of clothing and stealing tip money from teenagers? This is almost the exact same crime McStickyfingers was busted for last year. Has she built some sort of Golden Girls criminal enterprise she’s recruited and trained? Either way, if you live in that area and see her around anywhere then make sure your wallet is still in your pocket, because that old hag will swipe it without you even knowing it. And if this is your grandmother, please contact the business owner so the matter can be resolved.


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