This afternoon I received a well-written message from a woman named Melanie McCloud, who was previously featured in a blog and felt misrepresented and slighted.
The saddest part about my job is that 90% of the time when I get a message like this I have no idea what blog the person was featured in. After a while they all get blended in together like a ratchet crockpot, but the context clues helped out a little:
- I have a problem with pregnant women escaping domestic violence
- She’s contacted attorneys in the “Wortchester” who will be “defending” her (as a plaintiff) in court, simply out spite because they don’t like me
- Failure to remove the blog about her will result in her and I meeting in court for “lying against me”
- I concocted the blog about her in my alien brain
- She can make my life very bad
- I am messing with the wrong white girl
- She is attempting to blackmail me by threatening to reveal messages I allegedly sent her soliciting noodz for cash if I do not remove the blog
- I am in danger of facing federal charges for using her images from Facebook without her permission, which has caused her damages in the form of embarrassment
After searching for her name on Turtleboy I realized that I was dealing with a woman with the TB name Sour Cream and Bunyan. She was scamming aid groups all across the country (and had joined hundreds), claiming to be pregnant and on the run from her allegedly abusive husband Rick Salad Toss, who she stayed loyal to during his incarceration.
However, she has blocked me and I am unable to reply, therefore Desk Girl is unable to send her the blog removal form. Sadly thought, based on her connections to spiteful Wortchester attorneys, it looks like the blog’s days are numbered. Soon, Sour Cream and Bunyan will take everything I own in federal court, including this blog. We had a good run while it lasted.
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: