What would you guess this woman does for a living?
If you guessed “Beach Body Coach,” you were wrong. According to her she’s actually a Revere police officer, and she attempted to badge her way out of being publicly shamed for parking in a handicapped spot in Haverhill.
Easily the best part of the video was when she busted these out:
Newport Lights. Always Newport Lights. And there was no way she was going to walk an extra 10 feet to purchase them.
Her logic was rock solid though.
Why is it bothering you so much? Are you disabled?
“If your fath-uh were heeeya I’d move in a haahhtbeat”
Right. Because the only people who think it’s in poor taste for somewhat able bodied gravy dumpsters like this to park in handicapped spots are people who aren’t disabled.
Will need a fact check on this one though:
“I’m a Reveeeyah police awwwficah”
I’m sure this sea cow has spent many a day tanning her folds on Revere Beach, but that doesn’t actually make you a Revere cop. I just have a hard time picturing this cheesesteak chimney doing anything physical, never mind going through a police academy.
A cop would probably know better than to break the law, and then attempt to get out of if by claiming to be a cop.
“I do not have to give you my badge numbahh.”
Where are the First Amendment auditors when you need them?
Then out of nowhere the security guard in the hoverboard shows up to try to get the cameraman to stop blocking her from leaving.
Because nothing screams, “I have authority” quite like a grown man showing up on a battery powered, multi-colored hover board.
The most confusing part about the video was the license plate.
There’s nothing New York about this woman. She reeks of Revere, and she’s probably only up in Haverhill near the New Hampshire border because she thinks the menthol ban already went into effect.
She said her name is Christina. I’d love to know more about her service as a Revere police officer if any turtle riders recognize her, or if someone wants to run those plates. Hit me up on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: