Woonsocket Townsfolk Narrow Down Possible Suspects After Man In Bra And Panties Is Seen Watching Porn In Multiple Backyards In Middle Of The Night

 

A Woonsocket woman had an unwelcomed guest in her backyard this week and he was dressed quite provocatively.

 

Between 3 and 7 he was evidently making the rounds to other streets in the neighborhood where he was spotted by neighbors.

And earlier in the night he was seen completely naked before walking into a woman’s basement and stealing her laundry.

We don’t know this individual’s gender pronouns, but he walked around for several hours in the middle of the night in the freezing cold, while wearing one shoe, a bra, a blanket, and listening to pornography on a phone.

In other words, it was your typical Tuesday morning in Woonsocket.

Immediately people began to suggest it was this man:

And with good reason. Paul Sawyer got housed one night in late December in Cranston and approached a security guard while wearing his birthday suit. When she did not immediately reciprocate he followed her as she attempted to flea. Hours later he entered a man’s house in Cranston at 3:15 in the morning, once again naked, said hello to the homeowner, and then fled the house and jumped in a red mini-rape-van.

Then in January he did it again in Woonsocket.

A man who police said stripped down naked and drove through parts of Cranston in a minivan in December has been arrested yet again, this time in Lincoln. Authorities on Wednesday said 35-year-old Paul M. Sawyer, of Woonsocket, is facing new charges. Sawyer was arraigned on three counts of disorderly conduct, with bail set for $3,000. Police said they received multiple reports of a suspicious man near Whitney Drive and Greenwood Lane Monday. Officers then obtained footage from several homes in the area and saw a man “walking across the front yard completely naked.” Based on the images, police identified the man as Sawyer and arrested him.

Sometimes you just have to drive around in the dead of winter with your dong out and run around on other people’s property for no apparent reason.

Surely this had to be the guy right? Rhode Island isn’t a big state. How many people out there could possibly have a habit of getting their buzz on before engaging in some naked trespassing?

Then again, this is Rhode Island, and Paulie Panties doesn’t have a forearm tattoo like Howie Schlong does.

 

So if it’s not that Paul Sawyer then it means that Woonsocket has not one, but two naked deviants running around in people’s backyards looking to have a good time while they’re sleeping.

This is so Woonsocket it hurts.

Two women came forward and said it was a guy named Nathan Plante.

According to Dawn Reed Dupre, Nathan is her soon to be former son-in-law.

I messaged April to find out if she was sure it was him and our conversation gave me a popsicle headache.

 

So then I messaged Dawn to confirm and it didn’t go very well either.

I messaged Dawn to confirm and it didn’t go very well.

Dawn is the Miss Woonsocket reigning champ for the last 24 years.

Everything about her life, from the soiled mattresses to the grizzled grammies pounding down Newports to the free flowing fupa, just reeks of Woonsocket.

She insisted it was her son-in-law, and he has quite the criminal background himself, including a recent arrest for disorderly, along with Google trophies for domestic violence, A&B, shoplifting, driving with a suspended license, drug dealing in a school zone, larceny, conspiracy, and breaking and entering.

So at this point he might as well run around in people’s backyards wearing a bra and panties, watching porno on his phone under a blanket because it’s the only thing missing from his ratchet resume.

Anyway, we can’t confirm that it’s him because Dawn has cut off communication because asking questions was too argumentative. But either way, this is why you should never move to Woonsocket. Because if you see a naked guy in your backyard watching porn at 3 in the morning it’s too hard to narrow down the list of possible suspects.