Driver Films All Out Brawl Hoodbooger Hodown On Water Street In Worcester On His Way To Pick Up Pizza

 

The streets of Worcester were alive last weekend after a local man on his way to pick up a pizza witnessed and filmed a brawl that is so Worcester it hurts, especially the commentary and videography skills.

You have to appreciate the fact that absolutely no one thought it would be a good idea to try to stop this, several cars drove right by the the bodies lying in the street as if it was a minor inconvenience on their way to the club, and Hoodbooger Howard Cosell serenaded us with his riveting play by play:

“Ohhhhhh”

“Oh shit mad n****as jumping in now”

“damn, they ripped that n***a’s shirt”

“damn, that n***a on the ground too”

“Ohhhh that n****a’s laid out dead”

“Yoooooo”

“Oh my God, yo, n***a’s trying to get beat son”

“Ddddddaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnnnn”

“Yo

“Yo, is that n***a dead?”

Yoooooo, wn****a broke the tree!”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly why I decided to raise my family in Holden as soon as I had children. As much as I would love to have my kids go to school with Hoodbooger Howard Cosell’s plethora of crotch fruits he has likely pumped and dumped within one square mile of Crompton Park.

As entertaining as his play by play was, here’s mine….

The video is shot outside of Freshway Pizza on Water Street, which is a great place to go late night if you wanna get a large greasy pizza with a side of herpes. The fun begins when a morbidly obese man can be seen grappling with a woman (who was likely upset that she was the first woman who applied to be a dancer at Sweaty Betty’s and didn’t get a call back) dressed in her finest K-Mart sweatpants and socks.

 

Although Donald Plump was clearly trying to keep her at bay, and could not be seen hitting her, this nonetheless prompted her soon to be baby daddies from jumping to her defense by sucker punching Uptown Chunk in the head.

 

After the Eskimo Brothers had done the hard work of corralling Donald Plump, it was the Sour Snatch Skid’s turn to get her licks in.

 

Donald Plump attempted to flea Missing Tooth Langmore’s blows, but ultimately he was defeated by his arch nemesis – gravity.

Slam chunk!!!

Missing Tooth Langmore wasn’t done though, and the next time Hoodrat Howard Cosell decided to point his phone at the fight instead of the plethora of check engine lights that he’s been ignoring for the last 4 months, she was attempting to American History X Donald Plump into the Worcester pavement.

 

By that point Donald Plump’s backup arrived and attempted to help him, but it didn’t go very well. Funkmaster Bounced Checks showed up beltless with his half jean jacket on, and ended up getting pushed and fell directly over Donald Plump’s body as he was attempting to get up.

 

He stumbled around until Half Shirt Hernandez attempted to Chuck Norris him to the dome. Next thing you know he was taking a nap in the middle of Water Street as Half Shirt Hernandez and Pedro Pubestache sang him a Worcester lullaby.

 

The cameraman then panned over to the left to see Missing Tooth Langmore being held back by Donald Plump while she was attempting to get her licks in.

 

She realized this was a lot harder without the Eskimo Brothers there, as they were too busy dealing with Funkmaster Bounced Checks. As the camera panned back seconds later there was already a new lifeless body lying in the middle of the street, although this could very likely have been one of Sarai Rivera’s campaign workers collapsing after a long night of begging for change and shooting up heroin.

 

It turns out the unidentified body didn’t belong to a vagrant, and was indeed someone who attempted to defend Funkmaster Bounced Checks and Donald Plump, who threw himself onto his friend’s body hoping for mercy, but ended up with a Payless Shoes indentation on this cheek instead.

 

After that Funkmaster Bounced Checks stumbled around until he landed on a pole and fell face first into the sidewalk, where Half Shirt Hernandez established dominance by flaunting his male fupa directly over him.

 

Funkmaster Bad Checks decided the smart thing at that time would be to just lie there in a pushup position until they thought he was dead and left. Meanwhile Pubestache Pedro did as his Worcester instincts directed him to do whenever he sees a lifeless body lying in the street – rummage through the man’s pockets looking for his wallet, which likely only had $2 and a Blockbuster Video card.

The flat brimmed hat lying in the middle of the street is Worcester art at its finest.

Once the coast was clear and the Eskimo Brothers left with Missing Tooth Langmore, Funkmaster Bounced Checks decided to put on a dancing performance for the onlookers by performing what is known round these parts as the Hoodbooger Hokey Pokey. Basically you just fall over like you just got shot in Dealey Plaza

 

After that riveting performance Funkmaster Bounced Checks decided to give the crowd an encore by performing some pole dancing on a tree which was likely planted there as part of the city’s recent initiative to make Kelley Square a yuppy magent. Unfortunately Funkmaster Bounced Checks called this dance the Timber Tango, as the young tree met its demise when Funkmaster Bounced Checks somehow pulled it out of the ground in his fight with gravity, and he once again found himself on the ground and looking up at people walking and driving by who didn’t seem the least bit fazed by any of this.

Just another Friday night in Worcester I suppose.

The video ends in the most artistic way possible, by panning to the driver’s dashboard showing his gas tank completely empty.

There is a 1000% chance that Hoodrat Howard Cosell is the kind of guy who pays for gas $9 at a time, and knows EXACTLY how many miles he can drive when the gas light comes on.

We hope you enjoyed this Masterpiece Worcester experience, and please be careful while driving through Water Street after 10 PM.