TB Investigates

Canton Cover-Up Part 291: Dear Chicken Parm Charlie

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Dear Chicken Parm Charlie,

First, let me say that I come in peace. In no way, shape or form am I attempting to put you in emotional fear, as I know you are sensitive and triggered easily. I most certainly am not attempting to get you to alter your testimony, because it doesn’t really matter what you testify – your whole bloodline is fucked regardless.

With that said, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. When you messaged me on April 17 and told me it would be unfortunate to write about your son’s involvement in John’s murder, you weren’t wrong. I know you were a big Turtlerider prior to that, and something tells me your wife Julie’s worst nightmare would be to end up on Turtleboy. Now you’re one of the leading candidates for Ratchet Madness 2024. So, you’re right – that is unfortunate.

I’m currently sitting in jail, but it’s not so bad because I’ll be out in less than two weeks. But you know who’s probably going to spend a lot more time in jail and get treated a lot worse than me? Anyone who helped murder John O’Keefe. It would have to be someone who was inside the house when John got there. Do you know anyone like that? Oh right – your son, Bang Bang. He’s gonna love it here, as the COs are big fans of cop killers. Maybe he can reunite with the Advantage Boys and make hardo videograms to Adele’s greatest hits.

You’ve obviously done a great job raising your boys. Your oldest son Mighty Mouse is off living the GTL life, but clearly your pride and joy is Colin. He’s exactly what you were when you were at his age – a drunken, privileged queef, who’s been raised to believe that actions don’t have consequences.

Speaking of that, remember that time back in ‘94 when you got shitfaced and killed a man? What was that guy’s problem? He should’ve gotten out of your way! It’s not like there were other lanes on I-95 and you could’ve just gone around him. You’re Chris fucking Albert – King Dick of Canton. You exclusively use Donkey Kong when you play Mario Kart. If some Koopa Troopa motherfucker gets in your way, you go full Ludacris on their ass. If he dies, he dies. Alberts are allowed one Mulligan murder in their formative years.

Good thing you learned your lesson after fleeing the scene and spending 6 months in jail though. You really showed that you weren’t an entitled, drunken, townie puke when you started a fight with the LoPilato brothers, got your ass beat, and then ran crying to Michael “The Fixer” Lank so they’d be arrested.

Then again, emasculating yourself by crying to the cops seems to be what you’re best at. Remember that time some harmless women and children held signs across the street from your welfare pizza shop and you cried to Ken Mello about it? A lot of grown men would be embarrassed to say they needed protection from a 17-year-old in sandals holding a sign. Not Chicken Parm Charlie though. You got rid of all your shame when you took Julie back after finding out she was getting railed by Officer Wade. You support “back the blue” but the blue backdoors your wife.

Speaking of back the blue, you know what is a great way to show your support for the police? Paying your taxes that fund their salary. I realize it’s hard to do this when your wife is getting brought into court by creditors and has to return items at the grocery store. But let’s be honest, most of the “income” from D&E isn’t from selling mediocre chicken parms, so it’s not like you have to pay taxes on it anyway.

I’ll tell you what a really smart thing to do after your whole family murdered someone – run for Selectman! That way, when you go to the meetings, you can sit there getting roasted by middle-aged women and pretend like it’s not bothering you though. Then again, you let other men bang your wife, so getting undressed by Rita Lombardi twice a month isn’t the least humiliating thing you lived through.

It was great seeing you at the meeting I attended in September. A lot of people would have felt uncomfortable with an award-winning journalist holding a sign saying “blood pizza” above their head for an hour. Not you though, because you have no shame. I’m not going to lie, it was a little rude to shut the door in my face like you’ve done to bill collectors so many times, but I just wanted to ask you some questions. Luckily you had your own personal police escort, which is a nice little perk considering everyone in town funds his salary except you.



On the way out of the meeting, I walked you to your Jeep and asked you how you paid for it. Little did I realize, your diabolical comeback would be, “How do you pay for yours?” Checkmate! I’d be happy to answer that for you though. Ya see Chris, when you don’t owe a shitload of cash to creditors and the IRS, and you run a business that doesn’t rely on washed up 90s moms buying your pity calzones, then you can purchase these things.

I gotta be honest though – your tough guy Albert schtick doesn’t work when you go crying to the courts looking for harassment orders. That ended when you sexually harassed those women at the Waterfall and started crying in the parking lot when they fired back at you. You’re kind of a bitch, but not really. You’re actually a whole bitch.

I love what you’ve done with D&E Pizza though, and you’ve obviously invested a lot into your business. The cardboard curtains and unwashed windows make the customers feel like they’re in a Brockton triple-decker, about to enjoy a microwaved Ellio’s pizza. And the help is so charming too. Roast Beef Ronnie really makes you feel welcome when he greets you with the Canton Salute and a “Fuck you Turtleboy!” And nothing is more inviting than Jim Farris ripping butts outside on the bench all day, as he admires his ‘05 Prius and brings more shame to his family than Tim Albert.



Anyway, I get why you’re so on edge lately. I would be too if my whole family was under FBI investigation for a murder. You guys have tried so hard to prove Colin wasn’t inside the house that John O’Keefe never supposedly went inside. But again, I’m not trying to get you to change your testimony. In fact, I’d be happy if it turned out that you lied to the Feds about everything, so that you can join your brother and son in the can. Maybe when they come to arrest you, you can call up Ken Mello and try to have the FBI charged with witness intimidation. Oh well, prison is actually perfect for you – everything is paid for by the taxpayers, while you contribute nothing. You’ll fit right in.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonetization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the Donation button above if you'd like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:  Qries


  1. Aidan, You’ve done it again.. Another great letter to the ULTIMATE LOSER.

    los· er lu zer

    Synonyms of loser
    1: a person who is incompetent or unable to succeed

    Don’t waste your time on that loser.

    But what we really want to know was if Chris Albert was in the house that night? If so, could it be another Albert going to jail. How many Alberts will end up in jail?

    Keep up the great writing and remember “One day at a time”

    Justice is so close

  2. This letter is SPOT-ON Aidan! This is the first time in his measly life that Chris Albert hasn’t been able to use his law enforcement connection to get him out of a major jam. He should have done much more than 6 months for taking mans life decades ago! We need you out of jail ASAP Aidan to get a picture of Chris in US Marshals’ handcuffs!!

  3. Chris Albert is inspirational..

    He has inspired the great people of Canton to rise up and take control of their community. Time to end the incompetence and it starts with getting that loser off the Select Board.

    Thank you Chris. If it wasn’t for you there probably wouldn’t have been a vote to audit the police.

    1. Sadly you miss the point of who has caused so much division in that community the little puppet man you want to praise and in doing that you are condoning his domestic violence you are condoning the killing of his own baby. This man has lied to his own supporters but you just gloss over it continually you people are so blind to his manipulation I actually feel sorry for you. Aidan is still asking for more money when he stated himself just how rich you people have already made him $60.000 for a new Lexus in full ask him to sell what’s left of it still worth quite a bit and what with the insurance pay out, let him pay his own way the same as you and the rest of the world. I dont wish him bad i just want him treated the same as anyone doing as he does.

        1. No she was pregnant ask Aidan he knows but doubt if he would be honest with you, i have seen the text were he admits it. If you have doubts ask your self why did she take those abortion pills now he even said that she took them in open court!!!!

      1. Do you not get paid for what you do? Or do you just offer your services for nothing? Aidan has every right to make a living off of what he does like everyone else. Since your bitching about “How” he makes his living IMO it’s because you are envious that Aidan has way more guts then you do because he gets out into the real world and investigates wrong doings! Grow up already!

        1. Firstly he investigates nothing he is fed information from others who do go looking for info, most of what he says and writes lately is from the mouth of KR proven, i am not bitching about earning money I am bitching about taking money from those who do work hard for their money when he has just over $200.000 in legal fund plus he has stated his supporters have made him rich then he has the merch store and still he keeps asking for more, he doesnt need it he just wants it. Are your aware his wife is the one who pays all the bills his wife is the one who supports her children, Aidan has never even paid a phone bill. He is not the person you seem to think he is.

    1. Chris is too easy to pick on. D&E pizza looks like his future, run down and depressed! His wife is gonna be living her best life soon as she Cans his ass like tuna fish!

      1. Not really tho. She owes as much debt as he does… But then again every guy in Canton lines up for piece of a Albert. Oh well used to anyways. It’s like the saying in the Cape. “You don’t lose your gf/wife you just lose your turn” it’s sad but true…

    2. Ronnie, what’s it like being the ugliest guy in Canton, knowing at such a young age the only woman you ever get with will be paid for by the hour?

      1. I’m not roast beef ronnie. I’m pretending to be Roast Beef. But I do think it’s funny that I do a better job getting the downvotes by pretending than the mcalberts.

        1. I didn’t think you were. However, the ugly bastard and his friends are here. Ronnie, it’s true, you are one fugly, goofy ass looking, beta boy.

    3. Aidan has caused so much division in a town that once was peaceful, that is what he will be remembered for nothing else.

  4. He called me to clean up his son’s oopsie poopsie and I made a few more and my bossman had to start cleaning up my oopsie poopsies and he made some of his own ooopsiepoopsies.

  5. The chicken parm popups are like an extra topping on this hilarious letter. Maybe CPC will learn how to make it for when he gets kitchen detail in the clink.

  6. Aiden you Nailed it,
    check out Attorney Melanie Little*present footnotes and court documents/evidence on YouTube as reminder why we respect free speech + your voice
    *Court Tv Guest responds to exFBI Coffendetc no relation to defense

    Thanks doc, you rock

  7. I wouldn’t want to attract attention to turtle boy! Wowza!! He cuts you to the core every time, gotta admit even if you’re his target, how he expresses himself in these Dear John letters makes you laugh out loud!!! Touche’. Whomever wrote about giving Aiden the canton salute is apparently lost for words., his/her/its anger is screaming……opposite of Aiden, who thrives on his adjectives while painting a picture worth a thousand words!!! One of a kind, Aiden, one of a kind… If it weren’t for your humor, this entire horrific nightmare would just be another source of dread & overwhelm at taxpayer funded WASTE!! FREE KAREN READ!! then let’s go keep cleaning up their MESSES, CLEANING HOUSE!! TY to all who stand & demand truth!! Enough of the smoke shows….These scenarios are W H Y nobody trusts anything & the news…..lame, lying media!! imho

    1. So you condone Aidan’s smearing and emotional attacks on others, his criminal behaviour is ok to you hhmm wonder how your brain actually functions without instructions. Aidan has lied to you he has mislead you yet that is all glossed over, look at this page full of please donate after he has stated just how rich his supporters have made him $60.000 in full for a new Lexus ask him to sell what remains of it or use the insurance money from it to pay his way instead of asking others to pay his way in this world, he doesnt need you money he just wants it you work hard for your money keep it…

      1. Are you with I’m a douche bag licensing board? Did you forget to use the douche? Or do you just keep reusing your enema juices? You definitely sound like a enima juice re-user…

        1. Perhaps you should hold you comments until you can craft a logical argument. Until then, just respond “fuck you” to every post. It will demonstrate your obvious superior intellect.

    1. he does say in the beginning he knows you were a hardcore turtlerider and how your wife would fear this/these days

    2. Somebody needs to take his crayon away. Such a tough guy but he’s afraid to leave the medical ward. Chris Albert would wipe the floor with midget boys tears while he sat in the fetal position crying

      1. Think so? Why he walk like he had to take shit, when Aiden was at that select board meeting? If Chris hit him, his buddy cop would’ve jumped in to save/help Chris. Cuz you know he can’t fight anyone without the cops coming an helping. Lapildo bros.

    3. Who’s making bank. Aren’t all millionaire’s insane egomaniac bullies? Cuz he’s gonna be, he’s known all along that one story will catapult him there. Not the way he planned. It most definitely helped him become nationally known. You can thank Morrissey for that. I would say Mello but yeah, he forgot to bring evidence to court so, there’s that.

    4. Oh another one that has seen him for what he is, Aidan is in need of intense therapy he shouldn’t be in a cell but should be in a mental instatution under heavy medication.

  8. “hardo videograms to Adele’s greatest hits” 🤣
    In a more serious manner it’s worth reading part 3 coverup

  9. “Income” … did John uncover that Chickarooni Charlie was dealing out of his pizza shop, with his son being the #1 runner? just maybe..?

  10. I have no clue how the Karen Read trial will play out in court. But does anyone wonder what will happen if she is convicted, or cops a plea? What if the McAlberts aren’t part of a plot? What if we’ve all been harassing and slandering these people for nothing? What if Aidan Kearney is trying to ruin people’s lives because he’s a shitbag and doesn’t actually give a shit about Karen or anyone else?

    1. He’s been trying to ruin peoples lives because he’s an awful human being and a shitbag since the beginning of this blog. He thinks he’s the peoples police he’s just a morally corrupt dickhead. And karma is still a bitch.

      1. These comments will make it so easy for federal prosecutors to paint a picture of no remorse and utter shamelessness. You’ve manufactured nearly a year’s supply of rope to twist those knots with.

    2. Hahahahahahahaha! Convicted? Hahahaha, you McAlberts have no shame and literally try every angle to subvert a murder investigation.

  11. You missed a helluva Super Bowl. While you were in your little medical “safe” area, I was throwing back some beers with MY friends and gambling and enjoying the game. You’ll never get that back.

    1. It was one Super Bowl and it wasn’t all that exciting. I’m sure he’s okay with not getting that one back. Commercials and halftime show wasn’t worth it either.

      1. Yeah that’s true the commercials were blegh. The first half dragged and halftime was a joke. I liked the second half!

    2. Your rotten snatch gushes for TB. You and Betit are great entertainment. Run along now, ugly horse face.

  12. Read trial now delayed as both sides waiting for info from usao .idk but that sounds like they are being more cooperative with the prosecution than They should.no discovery dump like we were told would happen this week and certainly no indictments. But I don’t know the procedure but the j6 defendants didn’t get the courtesy these corrupt cops are

  13. Great heartfelt letter.
    I’m waiting for the letter to Brian Albert to make the rounds. That one should be GOLD!

    1. BA hasn’t been seen in public since around June. Not much of an open letter can be done for him or his ex because they are the only ones to keep quiet. Colin has been quiet too but that’s probably because the grownups may have taken his internet away. Rumor is night of murder Snapchat was very active.

  14. Turtledope
    Been an hour , how’s the written findings, 15 minutes of fame Brandl obstructed you from get them for over a month?

    Coming ?

    Judge McBall sucker , developed streptocockus?

    Brandl 15 minutes of fame – probably wrote the findings- from under Morrissey desk.

    You may have received , minutes from grand jury , couple months after , Karen’s trial is over.

    Questions for the dope?

    I1) Why did Brandl wait , a month to address judges lack of written findings?

    2) why did Brandl, delay filing Bail review?

    3) why is turtledope, silent, on pedo district court judges lack of written findings?

    4) his release from custody today?
    Lol- dream on dope.
    Turtledope a lifer – not months , but life.

    5) Response to my email July 2018, besides his
    “ Dude no one gives a shit”
    In response to my providing evidence ( not monkey poop turtledope nonsense )
    About local young women, involved with law enforcements , untimely deaths .
    Followed by a “ Sham Investigation “
    Sent his email back yesterday:)’
    Haven’t heard back, I’m sure dope very busy , providing tubular testicular massage, to his new friends.

    Awaiting twice the sucker and other dips<€£¥s , intellectually devoid reply’s.

    Tucker call yet ?

    1. No one reads your psycho babble. We just click – and keep on scrolling to the posts written by sane people.

  15. “Oh well, prison is actually perfect for you – everything is paid for by the taxpayers, while you contribute nothing. You’ll fit right in.”

    “The cardboard curtains and unwashed windows make the customers feel like they’re in a Brockton triple-decker, about to enjoy a microwaved Ellio’s pizza.”

    I now feel like i’ve been to Douche Albert’s Pizza and Thrift Shop! And I have the resulting Gastro distress just from the description. Yo where the health dept at!!!

  16. All these donation pop ups why would you need more money, sell what’s left of the Lexus i am sure its still worth quite a bit plus you have said you make so much money off all the hard working people who support you and the merch you peddle why would you still want more, i think it time you started to pay your way in this world poor Julie cant support you any more.

  17. I predicted 3 live shows and you would be back in a cell, I take it back it is going to be sooner please keep posting about witnesses and their family. Oh also please go back to school your gramma is terrible or maybe as usual you have someone else do your writing either way more schooling is needed. People he has lied to you he has mislead you he has caused others to be charged with crimes, do not give him any more of your hard earned money he has plenty he has told you himself he has made so much from all your donations he could afford to pay out right for a $60.000 Lexus make him sell what’s left of it still worth quite a bit, do not give any more money.

    1. It’s always da sofa king dumb ones dat don’t know how to properly use a . or a , (ya know, punctuation) dat tell others dare grammar’s bad. Or maybe Marcia was speakin’ bad about Aidans grandma. No one gives a shit. LTFOL

  18. Aiden, Bravo great read and I hope all the CO’s treat him the way he treated John. All of them! I’m sure Proctors wife knows he and Jen are f__k’n around! Thanks for th 😂😂🤗🤗🤗🤗🔥🔥🔥🔥🐢🐢


  20. Dear turtledope

    Your silence speaking volumes?

    Status on written findings of dangerousness? I’m sure the judge , took it very seriously, lol!

    Wouldn’t hold your breathe, it’s been 51 days , since they were due! 15 minutes of fame Bundl seems to be right on top of your case! Kidding , I jest, suggest you develop sense of humor, your going to need it.

    FYI the Judge has absolute judicial immunity, for his lack of diligence, criminal contempt of Unequivocal court order, and illegal imprisonment. Good luck suing, or finding a lawyer, who will take case.

    Your delusional / intentionally challenged , if you still think , Bundl Is providing effective assistance of counsel.

    Grand jury be indicting you 21st , just in time to move latest case joining , with prior witness intimidation to superior court. Netting you another 180 day hold, but I repeat myself.

    Onto matters that matter-

    How’d disciplinary hearings go with jail?
    I’m guessing your in the hole, only getting mandatory 75 minutes, to shower , recreation, and phone, with chains if your not locked in shower locker.
    How do you like the tiny cup of soap , shampoo and no razor ?

    Kinda makes using phone and personal hygiene much more difficult, dont it?

    I’ll also assume your out of cell time is between 2&4 am, so you can’t call kids, lawyer, I’m sure you still annoy your mom , with your middle of night calls.

    Typical narcissistic sociopath behavior, it’s really all about you, right turtledope?

    Received your kids mother’s probate petition? Kinda hard to reply from solitary, perhaps you CO buddies , cut you some slack.

    How’s my crystal ball , working?

    Bet you’ll start using law library, when and if you get your tablet back.

    Which with your intimidation of mentally challenged detainees, is very questionable.

    Keep digging your doing great at incriminating yourself.

    Attorney Black surely must be relieved, your not compromising Karen’s case anymore.

    Fibies, been in to interview you ?
    As your such a vital witness, to their investigation, they must of visited, by now.

    Hang in there , oops , bet they took long socks away, and issued paper clothes. Being your state of mental instability. No Epstein for you, poor turtledope.
    Them paper coveralls , sticky when wet.

    Keep Doing Mellos job for him, with Bundls help, you could end up a lifer.

    Tom Betit

  21. Just days ago I discovered this awesome website, a standout for fans. The gifted owner keeps visitors riveted with spot-on content. I’m stoked to be a new member of the community and eager to see what interesting content comes next!

  22. Come back to check and it is as i thought, any negative comments are removed so much for free speech. Not only a liar your a hypocrite plus many other things just to many to list. You want all these good people to support your right to free speech but you dont allow others the same right. I will have to go to social media to ask that people not donate further as you have made enough of them and will show them just how much, cant delete all. Have a wonderful day.

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