Canton Ratchet Madness 2024 Round 1: Red Solo Cup Region



Voting is now completed in the first round of Canton Ratchet Madness in the Tail Light Region. Here are the 9 ratchets who will be advancing to the next round:

No major upsets, and Horse Face won by the biggest margin of victory in the 8 year history of Ratchet Madness. She’s going to be tough to beat for sure!

Now onto the Red Solo Cup Region.

You have 24 hours to vote for which of these 8 ratchets should advance to Round 2.


1. Chris Albert vs. 16. Michelle Nalli

1. Chris Albert – Once killed a man, plethora of court judgments for nonpayment of bills and tax liens, enjoys getting cuckholded by wife and tongue lashed by middle aged women at meetings

16. Michelle Nalli – Cheesehog McAlbert supporter whose life goal was to marry an Albert but had to settle for a cat instead



8. John Fanning vs. 9. Tim Albert

8. John Fanning – Shady MSP Detective who helped coverup the Sandra Birchmore murder and actively covers for Michael Proctor while terrorizing random people for texting Colin Albert

9. Tim Albert – Biggest life accomplishment was once owning a pool, threatened to kill Karen
Read’s attorneys in Facebook post used in defense filings



4. Jennifer Coffindaffer vs. 13. Bob Galvin

4. Jennifer Coffindaffer – Disgraced FBI agent who regularly makes a fool of herself on national television defending cop killers

13. Bob Galvin – Jen McCabe’s loser brother in law who accosted female 20/20 producers outside of CF McCarthy’s



5. Auntie Bev vs. 12. Kimberly Fair

5. Auntie Bev – Most incompetent judge ever who clearly would rather be getting drunk than overseeing murder trial she insists on being a part of

12. Kimberly Fair – Batshit insane 53 year old cat lady who dedicates her life to ranting about Turtleboy on Twitter and has now taken up the cause of obvious cop killers




3. Brian Tully vs. 14. Joseph Warren

3. Brian Tully – Corrupt State Police Lieutenant who covered for Michael Proctor and considers scored DCF single Moms to be valuable sources in case against Turtleboy

14. Joseph Warren – Former Karen Read supporter who flipped to dark side because he wants to have sex with Natalie the German




6. Krusty Panties vs. 11. David Traub

6. Krusty Panties – DCF Mom who lost custody of kids and is obsessed with Turtleboy to the point where she inserted herself into story to defend cop killers but ended up catching her own witness intimidation charges instead

11. David Traub – Corrupt spokesman for Norfolk County DA’s Office who knows how to use burgers to get menopausal women to write favorably about his office




7. Matt McCabe vs. 10. Grandpa Eclipse

7. Matt McCabe – Inside 34 Fairview Road  when John O’Keefe was murdered but not considered a suspect by anyone due to status as a massive va-jay-jay

10. Grandpa Eclipse – Defender of corrupt police departments who likes to stand in people’s faces awkwardly in parking lots while pretending to be a geriatric tough guy




2. Bukkake vs. 15. Sarah Levinson


2. Bukkake – Corrupt State Police Sergeant who covers up murders for his day job while fan girling Dave Pornoy and doing drunken strip teases at weddings on the weekends

15. Sarah Levinson – Nurse present inside 34 Fairview Road when John O’Keefe was murdered and is choosing to cover for cop killers to retain social status in Canton




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