Cape Cod Woman Nearly Loses Baby To Child Sex Trafficking At Stop & Shop, Alerts Sandwich Police Who Confirm Her Fears


This is Kelly Maxwell from Sandwich.

She’s a mother of a baby boy and was out grocery shopping with the child and her fiance when the baby was nearly kidnapped by child sex traffickers who spoke exclusively in whistles.

Just to review:

  • A white woman saw two non-white people in a predominantly white town and assumed they were going to do bad things to her white baby in front of both parents
  • Her evidence was that they picked up food but didn’t purchase it, they were talking on cell phones (or at least pretending to be), and they whistled in public
  • She saw them each in more than one aisle, and despite the fact that they never said a word to her, approached her, or made any indications that they were there to sex traffic her baby, she knew they were going to anyway because they’re not white
  • She was so scared but continued grocery shopping anyway
  • After leaving she called the cops who told her without a doubt that what she witnessed was sex trafficking
  • She claims without any evidence that sex trafficking on the Cape is common and there have been a “few” cases lately that have been “legit” according to police

Obviously nothing like this actually happened, and the police would never definitively tell a deranged woman that her kid was nearly sex trafficked by men they didn’t see. What we have here is not sex trafficking, but rather a paranoid white woman who’s seen too many movies and walks around constantly in a state of fear. If you go grocery shopping near her and don’t put every item you are looking to buy in a cart, or if you see her in more than one aisle, you can just assume that she believes you are trying to sex traffic her child and will be posting about you on a community Facebook group as soon as she’s done couponing.

In a sane world people would assure her that she is overreacting, or make fun of her for joining the Pumpkin Spice Mafia. But we don’t live in a sane world, so all the other Cape Moms joined in. It’s been shared almost 1,000 times now:

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Notice how everyone who falls for these is almost always a female? Sorry ladies, but this why you people couldn’t vote until 1920.

Thank goodness nobody asked any questions or suggested an alternative version of what she thinks she saw. These are the same kinds of women who just last year were sharing stories on Facebook about how it’s racist for white women to call the cops every time they think a person of color is up to no good.

It must be real though, because it was on Facebook. Plus, all the other Pumpkin Spice Mafia members who were similarly paranoid for no reason while grocery shopping can confirm that it nearly happened to them. And that woman who lives in Detroit lost at least half of her childhood friends to international grocery store sex trafficking.

This one was the best:

Yea, why are we only hearing about this on a town Facebook page? Why aren’t the police alerting the community? It’s like it hasn’t even dawned on them that the reason the police aren’t saying anything is because nothing like this actually happened.

A couple people did attempt to point out how ridiculous this is, and that your kid has a better chance of being eaten by a shark on Cape Cod than they do being sex trafficked. These people were told to educate themselves.

Yea dude, educate yourself! This happens all the time, because she says it does. Look at the statistics she cited to back up her assertion. This isn’t her being a neurotic parent at all. Now excuse me while I ramble on about imaginary people who follow you to your car and snatch your babies up while you’re in the process of buckling them!

Anyway, you’re not special for reproducing. A lot of people think they are, and thus they think that the world wants to kidnap their children. Nobody wants to take in someone else’s human being that shits itself and keeps them up all hours of the night. Life is not a Lifetime movie, and your kid isn’t special enough to kidnap and sex traffic. Get over yourself.



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