Like Turtleboy on Facebook

Criminal Complaint Hearing With Rian Waters Included Explanation Of Why He Qualified For Ratchet Madness And So Much More


Rian Waters filed a criminal complaint with me after his civil lawsuit was dismissed, so I spent my morning with him today in Springfield. He was alleging witness intimidation, perjury, and harassment.

I did a post-court recap on our YouTube channel, which you should subscribe to hereFeel free to listen or read the recap of my two hours with Crian Waters today.

  • The first thing I said when I saw him in the hallway and he attempted to be cordial like we were cool, was “Oh look, it’s the woman beating, dog killing piece of s***.” This is a documented fact, not an opinion. We have the necropsy report from the vet, we have images of Samantha Cardin’s battered face, we have the arrest report and documentation of the charges made against him. People who do this to women and dogs don’t get to walk around and pretend to be a respectable person because they figured out how to file a lawsuit. They must always be reminded of what they are.


  • He and I were the only two people in court and the clerk magistrate had us go outside and exchange evidence. These are some of the documents Rian submitted into evidence.

Yes, that’s right – he labeled his memes. This happened in real life. This is what your tax dollars are going towards.

While exchanging evidence he said that he knew he’d probably lose this complaint but he’d just file again and it would go all the way to the Supreme Court. Yes, that’s right – the Supreme Court. Luckily Brett Kavanauh is BAE so I should be good when we get there.

  • Sitting next to Crian Waters outside the courtroom was dreadful because he smelt like a sweaty dumpster. I told him how bad he reeked of BO and asked him when the last time he showered was. He told me it had been several days, which is probably the only true thing he said all day.

  • Upon going back into the court Crian told the magistrate that he needed five minutes outside to cool off because being told that he smelt badly was apparently traumatic.
  • Him and I were called to sit in front of this magistrate for almost two hours.
  • Rian said that he had a high paying job lined up but had to quit before his first day because I caused him to have a disorder by saying that I was going to “murder him with words, but not really murder him” in a podcast with Bret. The podcast was played in court and it was quite vulgar. He also said that he’s had lots of job offers since then, but he’s had to turn them all down because the trauma I have caused him has left him unable to work.

  • He said he had two witnesses (Gaffney and Sam Cardin), but he wouldn’t be calling them because he wants to protect them, and believes that I will try to hurt them with my blog if they did testify against me. This is a lie since Sam Cardin is a friend of mine at this point, she despises the man who assaulted her and abandoned her child, he previously sued her after harassing her for months, and Gaffney has given up completely. I would never hurt Sam, but Rian has and would gladly do it again.

  • He said he had proof Samantha framed him and stole $100,000 from him.
  • He came unprepared, mumbled on about things he was not familiar with, and said “stress makes it hard for me to explain what’s going on.”
  • He said that I falsely claimed that Gaffney was his boyfriend.
  • He was reprimanded by the magistrate when he lectured her about how my actions met “elements of perjury,” and she said, “Let me decide the elements sir.”
  • He said the black eye that Samantha had the night he assaulted her, “may or may not have come from me,” but claimed that she lied to the police about him killing the dog.

  • I presented into evidence emails from the veterinarian who did the necropsy on the dog, which clearly stated that in her professional opinion she believed that he killed the dog.

  • I told the magistrate that Bristol wrote at least one of the blogs about him, because as a victim of domestic violence she took his brutality personally, as did I.
  • At one point Rian began reading the preamble to the constitution, before the magistrate stopped him.
  • Rian claims that my First Amendment rights are overruled by his 9th Amendment rights. Rian has no idea what the 9th Amendment actually means.
  • He said that it was improper for me to criticize him on the blog, but said that I could criticize him if I was quoted in another media outlet, or started a new blog that wasn’t Turtleboy. The magistrate asked him if I could criticize him on CNN and he said yes because turtle riders don’t read CNN.
  • He said that the blog is biased, and magistrate asked him, “don’t you think there’s an element to that in all news.”
  • He was very upset about the memes, especially the ones of him and Gaffney. The magistrate asked if I made the memes and I informed her that they were made by turtle riders, but I put them in blogs.
  • He told the magistrate, “I made $5K a week playing poker, so I was….never mind,” and seemed to forget what he was going to say. This happened several times.

  • He said he felt extorted when I Facebook messaged him last July, generously offering to take the blog down about him if it would get him to drop this frivolous expensive lawsuit, because I interrupted his poker game, and he was making a “ton of money.”

  • He said he recently was playing the highest limit poker table at Mohegan and said he was playing with the pros there, even though he has no job and can’t afford an attorney.
  • When he said that he had “adjustment disorder” because of the harassing blogs about his behavior, I got to ask three questions: 1) Do you have documentation that show that you have this disorder? 2) Who was the doctor that diagnosed him and where were they located? 3) How did he pay for this since he’s unemployed? He said that the documentation was upstairs, asked the magistrate to get it, and was told no because he came unprepared. He said he couldn’t remember the name of the doctor, and said that he has Mass Health.
  • Rian insisted I posted the memes, and the magistrate responded by asking, “How are you aware of the internal policies at Turtleboy?” He had no answer.
  • The magistrate asked him, “Are you asking me to assume that he made this meme of you in bed with Gaffney?”

  • He asked me “why was I chosen for ratchet madness?” I explained to the magistrate what a ratchet is and how ratchet madness works. I informed her that Rian won ratchet madness this year because turtle riders overwhelmingly voted for him to be the winner.

  • Rian wanted to know what specific behavior made him a ratchet, and objected to the fact that his ratchet behavior took place in 2017, whereas all the other contestant’s ratchet behavior occurred in 2018. He believes he should not have been eligible for this year’s tournament (this conversation took place in a court of law). I informed him that filing the lawsuit was ratchet in and of itself, which is why he qualified.
  • Rian lectured the magistrate about how the law works saying, “We’re getting deep into federal law here, but if you intend to create damages then you accept the consequences, and he didn’t file his annual filings and committed perjury.”
  • He said that I get “sexual pleasure destroying people’s lives.”

When Rian first presented this meme

This is how the conversation went:

Magistrate: What are you drawing my attention to?

Rian: He’s posting sexually suggestive stuff about Gaffney to punish him.

Magistrate: You’re saying these are photoshopped?

Rian: I wish I was more prepared.

The magistrate did not make a ruling, and says she needs to research this before deciding whether or not criminal charges would be pursued. We will see what comes of that, and I’ll be back in Brookline tomorrow because Charlotte McFarland is once again trying to take out a restraining order against me.


Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 



Related Articles


Ad Free Turtleboy + TBDAILYNEWS

Ad Free Turtleboy

Ad Free Turtleboy
$10.00 / month