Law and Order

Man Arrested For Fornicating With Norfolk Horse Identified As Former King Phillip Wrestler Jackson Kelley


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The Norfolk horse f***er has turned himself in, and is identified as 19 year old Norfolk man Jackson Kelley. He’s been arrested and is being held without hay bales.

Safe to say that this guy is a little bit un”stable.” I haven’t seen a Bronco pounded that hard since Super Bowl 48. Some may say that he planned this for a long time, but to me it looks like a moment of preakness. If he thinks jail is bad, just wait until Mr. Ed finds out about this. Still better, safer, and more refreshing than having sex with Kate Peter.

The police report is pretty disturbing, as apparently Semenbiscuit fluffed himself up as a warmup before climbing the ladder and tossing in his filly filler. He may have worked at another horse farm in town, lives in Boston but was visiting his parents home a mile from the scene of the crime, knew his way around the barn, and has ridden horses there in the past (non-sexually).


No word if this was a crime of passion, or if they were in a committed relationship. Rumor is he recently bought his girlfriend a gift card for a pedicure…..from a farrier.

Semenbiscuit is a 2020 graduate of King Phillip Regional High School, where he was a star wrestler, and his Facebook page says he attends AIC in Springfield.


Apparently Smarty Bones found human beings too challenging because they fight back, and elected to go for a horse.

I feel bad for his family. They seem like really nice, loving people, clearly adopted him, have a special needs daughter, and Semenbiscuit has to be severely damaged to do this. Like we said on the live show last week, you don’t start with a horse if you’re into beastiality. You work your way up to that. Sheep and small dogs are the gateway pets to horse f***ing.

Obviously my thoughts and prayers are with the rape victim, but I kind of feel bad for Semenbiscuit too. How do you ever get laid after this? How does a woman ever sleep with you knowing that the last girl you were with was a horse? This is your peer group and primary competition. How can you compete with an ex like that, knowing you’ll never have legs that good? He might know how to groom, but I don’t think he’ll ever be one now.


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