Methuen Rapper Organizes Hampton Beach Riot For Rap Video, Intentionally Gets Arrested To Build Street Cred 


Last weekend riot police were called to Hampton Beach to disperse a crowd of ratchets that was organized on Tik Tok, and 10 people were arrested.

Police in New Hampshire responded to a report of a large group forming on Hampton Beach around 6 p.m. on Saturday with fights breaking out within the group. Hampton Police said they were aware of a “well-advertised” event planned through social media, and began to disperse the group. After leaving the sand, the group began to form on Ocean Blvd. Traffic was stopped for about an hour as police in riot gear moved the group. A total of 10 arrests were made on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Charges of riot are expected to be added.

Pretty standard for the first 90 degree day of the year at the Walmart of New England Beach Towns.

According to the Hampton Union the arrested individuals were all between 18 and 21, and the whole thing was staged for a rap video to give them street cred.

The headline rapper was a gringo extraordinaire from Methuen named Dylan Barstow.

Dylan pretends to be from Lawrence to give himself authentic hoodbooger points, but he’s really just a white kid from Methuen who wasn’t good enough to make the basketball team in high school so he joined the wrestling team because they needed someone in the 113 pound class.

James had a feeling that Barstow, who improved to 8-2, would be effective on the mat not only because of his experience as a youth wrestler but because of his overall background. In addition to wrestling, Barstow has a background in wrestling and last year started taking Kung Fu. He progressed so rapidly in the discipline that he earned a scholarship to China and trained there for two weeks last summer.

“It was an awesome experience (in China) — it helps you with your mind,” said Barstow. “I’m going to start back with it after the wrestling season.”

As far as the return to the mat, Barstow said: “It didn’t take long to get back into it — it snapped back after the first match. I’m happy I got back into it.”

A kid who grew up with parents who signed him up for karate and wrestling and earned a scholarship to train in China? That’s almost as gangsta as his man purse!

As it turns out Wigga Mortus was one of the 10 people arrested on Saturday, which actually helped him promote the video he was shooting:

One of the first individuals arrested was the primary rapper in the video. He’ll face riot charges for his performance.

Check out this masterpiece:

Rhyming the n word with the n word, and bitch with bitch, is poetic magic

Don’t mess with the Methuen Mayonnaise Mafiaoso though, because he’s not a 113 pound wrestler anymore, and he will shoot yo ass if you front on him and homies.

Also, if your daughter ends up as the token booty shaking side ho facing down the riot police in a Hampton Beach rap video, then you have failed as a father.

LOL. Just kidding. You’d have to have a father for him to be a failure.

In fairness, anyone who goes to Hampton Beach and doesn’t expect to have their day ruined by a Lawrence GED flash mob doesn’t understand what Hampton Beach has become. It hasn’t been a family beach in a couple decades now, but still it’s a public beach and people should have the right to go there without being subjected to a staged rap video riot.

Some people seem to think it wasn’t that bad though, and that the police were to blame.

Just because you’re named after a communist country doesn’t mean you have to have the expectations of one. Although Lise Cuba is exactly the kind of grown adult I would expect to find at Hampton Beach on a Saturday and regularly uses “f*** the police” in casual conversation.

That is what you grow up and look like when in your 30’s when you spend your early 20’s as a booty shaking YouTube rap video backup dancer.

HAMPTON was Wigga Mortus’ biggest hit by far, but he’s made a few other videos before this as well, most of which involve bad green screens and deserted railroad tracks.

Nevertheless he has convinced himself that he has in fact made it big time and is destined for greatness.


Wigga Mortus is all in on the rap career after leaving his lucrative job at TGI Fridays in December.


Dylan’s online persona involves the idea that he “never went to school,” when in fact he was on the Methuen High School wrestling team.

Nevertheless, he always keeps it 100 emoji.

Feminem’s grift seems to have worked though, as he has convinced his crew that because of his rugged street life upbringing he is allowed to use the n word.

This is the kind of honor you earn when you film yourself berating crackheads in Spanish.

And now that he’s a world famous rap star he gets to bed any girl he wants.


Anyway, these McMuffs have to go somewhere on the weekend, so at least they’re leaving Massachusetts to destroy a beach in another state that was ruined a long, long time ago.


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