Newburyport Teacher Wants To Ban Spirit Week Because Pajamas Are Traumatizing, Twin Day Marginalizes Kids With No Friends, Fat Kids Can’t Say No To Candy


Two years ago we published a story about a Newburyport teacher and Triton Regional School Committee member named Paul Goldner after he accused a restaurant owner of “f***ing killing people” for opening his restaurant a year into COVID, despite allowing strangers into his house to remodel his kitchen.

He went on to win re-election by 11 votes in the overwhelmingly democratic town of Newbury, and is still teaching with no consequences.

This week at Newburyport is Spirit Week. Kids get dressed up in a different theme every day if they choose to participate.

This is all pretty standard stuff that makes high school fun for kids. School is about more than just learning. There are social aspects that make it enjoyable place for kids to go every day, and spirit week is a great way to get kids to wake up and want to go to school.

Naturally then Paul Goldner had to try to ruin it. Here’s an email he wrote to the entire faculty voicing his objection to each and every day on the calendar:

Just to review:

  • Spirit week should be banned because it goes against the district’s diversity, equity, and inclusion goals
  • Paul claims to be the voice for unnamed students who probably don’t exist but are feeling anxiety due to spirit week
  • Blind and deaf kids don’t like spirit week and will feel marginalized
  • Kids can be traumatized from wearing pajamas around people they are not emotionally close to
  • Kids who don’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day are being left out
  • Kids with no friends can’t participate in twin day
  • Kids who have a “clothing routine” will be stressed out
  • Kids who will die if they eat candy will feel left out so no one should be allowed to eat candy
  • Sugar addicts (fat kids) will have a tough time saying no to free candy
  • Anything resembling conformity and unity is bad

People like Paul Goldner should be relentlessly mocked and ridiculed. He is a miserable thief of joy who isn’t happy going through life alone in his misery, so he insists that children be dragged along with him. It’s the same reason he wanted schools to remain closed for so long – he hates when kids are having fun. Just let the fat kids eat candy, Paul!

The fact that a grown man was not ashamed to put his name on an email like this is exactly why we need to bring back shame in general. It used to prevent people from doing embarrassing things like this.

I’m just in awe right now that anyone could write something like this and mean it. Students are not forced to participate in school pride week. Plenty of kids don’t and they go to classes like a regular school week. The kids that are really into it will, and that’s a good thing because building unity and doing fun stuff is what gets a lot of kids through a tough part of their life. But Paul Goldner can’t allow that to happen. Instead he has to fabricate outrage that no one is expressing, and speak on behalf of students who don’t exist:

  • There isn’t a single person in the world who doesn’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, because it’s not even a holiday. It’s just an excuse to wear green, and for grownups to get blackout drunk at a parade.
  • Wait until he finds out that schools are closed on Christmas – an actual religious holiday that not everyone celebrates.
  • There are no kids that have a “clothing routine” that will be interrupted by spirit week. But if a kid does feel the need to wear the same outfit to school every week depending on which day it is then they are free to continue to do so during spirit week as well.
  • If twin day is bad because kids with no friends will be left out, then why are kids in Newburyport allowed to have friends at all? Doesn’t having friends marginalize kids who don’t have any friends? Every kid in Newburyport should sit alone at lunch and only discuss school related matters with their classmates.
  • If kids are traumatized by pajamas I hope they never go to Walmart.
  • Do Newburyport sports teams where uniforms? Maybe we should ban that too since conformity is a bad thing. It’s so ironic that he would be opposed to conformity since he wants to live in a world where everyone conforms to his thoughts and opinions on everything.

This is what equity looks like in practice, and why it must be eradicated from culture. Some kids will participate in spirit week and other kids won’t. And that’s OK. Not everyone has to finish at the same spot, and some kids do better than others. The fact that people like this are allowed around other people’s children should be a wake up call for parents.


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